My story mommy4two: Married for 10 years 2 children. I am filing due to a cheating husband. He has been in a off/on again relationship with a girl for 4 years. I forgave him through all the turmoil of this woman. The iceberg hit on Monday 1/2/06. The kids are in school. I unexpectantly come home and in my bedroom there is a woman. She hids in the closet and he is pushing me out the room. Finally she comes out and leaves. I order him out the house to never return again. Currently he is out(thank the lord) Our only communication are the children. I just don't understand it. I am such a good working career minded woman. Great kids-honor roll students;Great home;Why would someone risk everything. I do not know what to do. I would rather leave this house. Too many memories as you can imagine. I see my attorney next week. I don't know what I am going to do about paying an attorney. It has been a rough week. This man was my high school boyfriend. Oh not to mention he text messages me daily about forgiveness. At this point I can forgive, but I do not have to live you. Well that is my story.
Re: My story snkpack5: Not to be the harbinger of doom, but maybe you shouldn't forgive him. It's one thing to forgive someone if it was a mistake. Generally mistakes only occur once, but it sounds as if he has made a habitual habit of being unfaithful. Perhaps because he knows he can?
Anyway, you should think seriously about what this relationship is doing to you. A lot of people use the "we need to work it out for the kids," but your kids will be fine. You have to think of yourself too. We all deserve to be with someone who can be faithful to us and love us.
Just my opinion . . .
Re: My story hudson: [quote author=mommy4two link=topic=23606.msg219792#msg219792 date=1136502636">
I just don't understand it. I am such a good working career minded woman. Great kids-honor roll students;Great home;Why would someone risk everything. I do not know what to do. [/quote">
Sorry to hear you're dealing with this crap. But I think you're doing the right thing. For some reason he feels as though he's allowed to do whatever he wants and you will just put up with.
Does he easily manipulate you? The reason I ask is...if he's texting you about forgiveness then obviously he sees that as an effective way to get you to stay with him.
And just to respond to snkpack's comment, I think forgiveness is an absolute necessesity for any person trying to move on. Forgiveness is something you do for yourself, not him. And forgiving him doesn't mean you are taking him back, it just means you have resolved certain issues.
A guy like your stbxh who thinks it's okay to run around on his wife and potentially destroy his family is totally selfish and needs a serious dose of reality. A divorce will be just that. You have every right to divorce him and move on with your life. You deserve a man who is, at the very least, faithful...someone you can depend on, who values his commitment to you.
About the lawyer. Ask around, friends, family, whoever and find out who is a good divorce lawyer. Set up an appointment with him, he can advise you of your rights and discuss payment. But make the initial appointment and go from there.
I hope it all works out. Keep posting, let us know what's going on.
Re: My story threetimeloser: Looks like you have accepted to take the next step.
About paying the lawyer, here are some tips. If you can't find a lawyer who will do it for a flat fee (most experienced lawyers won't. I had one and he was very young), try to learn some things for yourself. There are many things you can do for yourself (copies, filing, checking dates with the court). Most divorces are standardized. Don't ask the lawyer a bunch of questions that you could have found out first. Read up about it on some websites. You might find the answer first. Ask any divorced friend with kids if they have a copy of their decree in your state and read it so you become familiar. The knowledge you build from your own research will keep you from calling the lawyer and constantly asking questions. Each call is usually billed and charges can rack up quickly. If you do call the lawyer, ask for straight facts and not wishes (for example, you could ask for any girlfriends from being in the house when he is with the kids, but a request like that will cost you. ) And above all, never act hysterical or in anger. If your stbxh does then let him. Screaming and hollering, especially in court will just make you look ugly and unsympathetic.
Re: My story jadedangel: [color=navy"> Well .. I too think you are doing the right thing. Forgiveness they say is a gift you give yourself .... and even if you do forgive him --- why the crap should you forget what he did? To me it sounds like adding insult to injury .... Oh she will do it once ... she will do it again. Don't play the fool -- he has proven to you for YEARS? ... that he won't be true.
Perhaps .... with each text he sends you on forgiveness you should send him one about --- faithfulness ... adultry ... broken homes ... cheating ... believe me the list could go on. Mix them up --- maybe then he will get it.[/color">
