For those who wished it would happen this way . . . DLA: it does, occasionally.
I am the WS.
I told the OW even before D-day that I was not going to be with her.
After D-day, there was no chance of reconciliation. One strike, I'm done. I wanted to, and was open and earnest in trying. Never went back to the OW. Gave XW everything she wanted in the divorce, didn't contest anything - even admitting to the A in court to the judge and all present.
She said that she wanted to be at least friends - and hopefully if we could regain our relationship in a healthier and better place, nothing would make her happier. She wrote that to me several times. And I believed her. I did everything I could to make those things happen - be a friend, show her everything I could that I was earnest and sincere in trying to reconcile or at least be friends.
Now, here I am, a year past D-day. We aren't friends - we aren't even talking. I miss her more than I could ever express. I still cry every day and am suicidal. I haven't moved on, nor will I - I don't want anyone else or any relationship without her.
Some WSs get exactly what they deserve. For the A and stupidity I pulled, I deserve every bit of blame and tears that I've had and continue to have every day without her here.
Re: For those who wished it would happen this way . . . snkpack5: I'm not going to say what you did wasn't wrong, but worth dying over? I would certainly hope not.
I'm sorry you're going through this and I'm sorry there will never be as much support for you out there as for the wronged. But you can't change the past and beating yourself up about it over and over doesn't really accomplish much. She has moved on and you have to learn how to as well.
Re: For those who wished it would happen this way . . . barelybreathing: The amazing thing about mistakes is they can be corrected when you learn, grow, repent and atone for them.
Some people simply cannot get past the betrayal. It is just too much for them to process. You have to except that and make peace with it. You made a choice and you knew that the consequences could be so severe as to lose your "holy" and convenant partner from it.
I am a betrayed ex wife and I would have loved to have reconciled, even though he hurt me more than anything or anyone else. I loved him enough to try. But he chose to not try.
IMHO, if you want to make amends, live your life with a sense of purpose, direction, humility and correction. Choose to be better, aim better and stay better. Never, ever, let this mistake happen to you again or touch your world again. She may not ever know it, but you will. And you will be rewarded in ten fold I truly believe. And who knows, perhaps one day, the hands of fate may bring her to you again.....
BB
Re: For those who wished it would happen this way . . . alonewith2: [quote author=barelybreathing link=topic=24039.msg224792#msg224792 date=1137200307">
The amazing thing about mistakes is they can be corrected when you learn, grow, repent and atone for them.
Some people simply cannot get past the betrayal. It is just too much for them to process. You have to except that and make peace with it. You made a choice and you knew that the consequences could be so severe as to lose your "holy" and convenant partner from it.
I am a betrayed ex wife and I would have loved to have reconciled, even though he hurt me more than anything or anyone else. I loved him enough to try. But he chose to not try.
IMHO, if you want to make amends, live your life with a sense of purpose, direction, humility and correction. Choose to be better, aim better and stay better. Never, ever, let this mistake happen to you again or touch your world again. She may not ever know it, but you will. And you will be rewarded in ten fold I truly believe. And who knows, perhaps one day, the hands of fate may bring her to you again.....
BB
[/quote">
dla, welcome! I'm repeating the exact same as above. (Very well put BB.) Try to focus on yourself and what you learned. You may not ever get your wife back, but don't let the lesson go unnoticed. It's great that you were able to honestly admit your mistakes and try to overcome them. Sometimes the pain is too much to bear. This may be what your wife is feeling. My STBX and I tried to be friends, but the truth is we can't. I don't want to be constantly reminded that at some point I wasn't good enough to be his wife.....
