Where do I stand? elephant: I had decided to forgive my boyfriend for cheating on me and try to understand the situation. I just felt that since I loved him that our relationship would grow through this. I know that he is sorry and that it was trulely done out of insecurity and out of guilt for the x. I have to say that I once was with my x out of guilt and that I could see how he did what he did.
The plot thickens....
She is pregnant. We found out yesterday and she is keeping it and is working her angle to get him as well. He says he loves me and wants to work it out. I am a mess beyond belief. She is now calling my house and calling him at work and on his cell constantly. She implies that he has asked if her is she wants to work it out. He says she is trying to hurt me. I don't know what to do. I can't sleep and I haven't eaten a thing. My heart is just popping out of my chest.
Any advice? Should I push him away and see if he goes? I just love him soo much it hurts. I am humilated by the whole situation and can't help thinking about where I stand in the future if they have a child together.... Is it true a man will always love the mother of his child?
Re: Where do I stand? alonewith2: This is a tricky one. You love him, and even if he loves you and wants to work things out....he has a child to think about now too. It will be hard for him to just totally push this OW out of the picture....especially if he wants to be a part of the child's life.
Has he talked to the OW in front of you? Is he telling her that he doesn't want to be with her but with you? You'll have to set boundaries, but not too strict in the since that he feels you won't let him be a part of his child's life.....
What does he say about all of this? Does he even want to be a part of the child's life?
I would love to help, but I need more info....
Re: Where do I stand? elephant: If the child is indeed his he would like to be part of the childs life. She is mentioning that he give up all rights to her and her "boyfriend". Who knows, if there really is a boyfriend and if there is, isn't it possible the child is the boyfriends? I would think any man willing to do this has probably been intimate with her. Then again she initially gave us a fake pregnancy test, so it is possible she is trying to hurt him by mentioning all of that. It is really a mixed up situation and hard to figure out the whole truth. I do love him but what boundries do I set? I have asked they only speak regarding her choice to have the child or arrangements for otherwise. She called my house while I was at work three time and once left a nasty message about how I am no good for him and she doesn't want me near her child. He answered the phone when she called the third time... This to me is violating the boundries. He said he would not talk to her anymore unless she wanted to have an abortion or untill the paternaty
test was taken. He said he answered because my roomate was home and she kept calling. He also said he would not meet with her unless it was at a clinic for a test. They met on his lunch yesterday to take the test without consulting me. He said he did it so that he could prove to me she was not pregnant but it was indeed positive. He told me when I picked him up after work. I have been sick since. So they talked for awhile I guess. I will never know I guess what was said, but in an email today she asked if we were going to get married and also she asked why did he ask if she wanted to work it out yesterday. He denies and says she did this because she knows I will read it.
Re: Where do I stand? alonewith2: I think it's great that he wants a paternity test. That is definitely something that needs to be done. He needs to cut contact with her until then. There's nothing left to say if he really does want to be with you. If it is determined to be his kid, then he needs to decide if he really wants to be a part of the child's life and how that will happen....take to court for visitation rights, etc.
He needs to tell her that she can not call or email him until the paternity suit is decided. I would normally say that he should be there to help with expenses, etc during the pregnancy, but if there is a real possibility that it isn't his, I don't think he should do these things yet. If she keeps calling, emailing, etc, then he needs to charge harrassment on her. Then maybe it will stop.
This is only my opinion. The closest I came to this experience was finding out that one of my STBX's ex girlfriends was taken him to court for a paternity suit on her child....the situation ended in my favor with the child not being his....good luck and keep us posted!
