Thought I was doing okay.

Thought I was doing okay. justme33: Saw my stbxh today while getting gas.  I haven't seen or heard from him since November.  I thought I was doing pretty good, thought I had a lot of my feelings about him under control and was getting over this whole mess. But seeing him tonight and talking to him for a few minutes sent me into a tailspin of emotions.  He played the "how are you, I care, I worry about you" crap on me.  If he worries about me and really cares how I am doing why do I go weeks and weeks without hearing from him?  I asked him just that and he said he felt it was better for both of us if he just wasn't around. That it was easier that way and I wouldn't hurt as much.  Obviously that's not true! I think it's just better for him and he doesn't feel so guilty for leaving me if he doesn't have to see me.  I guess my head is still fighting that battle with my heart.  At least it only took me a couple of hours to get passed this episode compared to the days and weeks in the beginning.  Can't wait to get to the point where seeing and talking to him won't affect me that way anymore. 

I am the type of person that needs to put it out there and deal with it to move on and he is the type who likes to ignore it and hopes that if he ignores it long enough the problem(s) just goe away.  I guess that is one of the biggest reasons we got to where we are now.

Then he tells me he is not going to file any divorce papers until well after June, because we will have been married 10 years in June and this way I would be able to collect on  his social security when he retires because I deserve that much!  He won't retire for another 20 years!  Guess I don't deserve crap now but maybe in 20 years or so.  What a crock of sh**.  I don't want anything  from him but a divorce!  If he thinks I am going to patiently wait until after June sometime for him to get his @$$ in order he's got another thing coming! Like I am going to want to still be dealing with his sorry behind 20 years from now. The way I look at it right now the only decision he had control of in my life was his decision to leave.  I will be filing the papers to divorce him and take some control back in my life. 

Do they say this junk just to convince themselves they are being decent?  How can you leave someone, leave them with all the responsibility and bills (believe me he hasn't given me one dime since he left and I haven't asked for any) and then act concerned that I won't be able to collect on his retirement?  This man has got to be seriously screwed up! and I am doing my best not to let him screw me up too. 

I know I have really rambled on but jeeze it's amazing how 5 minutes with that louse can do this to me and then I get mad because I still let him!  Anyhoo.  Thanks for listening.
Re: Thought I was doing okay. poppy: justme, i'm having a dreadful day also.  can't write anything sensible.  sending you ((((hugs)))).

poppy
Re: Thought I was doing okay. tracy: I'd file those paper and stick it to um~!

Good Luck!
Re: Thought I was doing okay. justme33: Thanks Poppy.  Tomorrow is a new day, I am going to put today behind me and tomorrow will be better.  Hope your day will be too.  Double hugs to you.

Tracy.. Papers are 3/4 of the way filled out already!  ;D

My favorite quote:  "Whether you think you can, or think you can't... You are right".  I can do this, I can get over him and I will have a better life without him!
Re: Thought I was doing okay. snkpack5: They do that to make themselves look like the "good" guy.  How many times my ex has assured me that he's doing things for me when he's really doing it for his own sorry *ss. 

You don't need his stinkin' social security.  You should have told him that you think your hot millionaire lover has you covered.