Re: Why are you doing this?! alonewith2: As I read this letter you have written, some of my own past feelings have returned. I, too, worked like crazy to support the family, gave him everything he wanted, and felt unappreciated in every aspect. It did get to the point where I felt we were more roommates than husband and wife. I had the accusations of nagging and complaining thrown in my face. I remember all the special gifts I've given over the years only to get nothing in return. I, too, had the unexpected conversation thrust upon me out of the blue.....though in the form of finding him with someone else.
I still don't see how many of us didn't see the signs of the end coming. I honestly believe that sometimes there are no signs.
Why are you doing this?! alonelysoul: You just dumped all of this on me out of the blue. Earlier that morning you gave me a hug and told me that you loved me. When you called me at work, the first words out of my mouth were "I'm so glad it's you" like I had said so many times before. And then I get home, we have a nice dinner together, start talking about our financial situation, and not even 2 hours later you are telling me you want a divorce?! You say I make you miserable. You say you don't like yourself anymore because of me. Why, because I nag and complain? Well I wouldn't have to nag you if you took care of your responsibilities around the house. Now its falling down around our ears (you know why!!). So, yeah, I point this stuff out. If it makes you feel bad about yourself, how is that my fault?? If I had known, maybe I could've taken a different approach with you, but it bugged the everloving crap out of me!! But you know, I still didn't love you any less or even think badly of you for any of it.
Did you ever really love me? Because if you did, you certainly didn't even try to show it. Ever since we got married, you stopped buying me gifts for my birthday, christmas, valentines day, whatever. Because you didn't see the point since it would come from the same money. Well, let me tell you the point in case it wasn't obvious. Its the simple things you do to let someone know that you care about them enough to try to make them happy. If you had gotten me a f--king rubber snake because you thought I would like it, I would have been the happiest woman in the world. But no, you couldn't be bothered. What about every time I tried to hug you and you pushed me away? Or turned your cheek to me when I tried to kiss you on your lips? I tried to talk to you about it and you said that you loved me, but you were never that affectionate. Whar a bunch of bull s--t!
For the last year or so, everything was always about you. You wanted to go on your dream trip, which didn't involve me, and I encouraged you to go. For our aniversary, I bought something because I knew you really wanted it (you gave me nothing in case your have forgotten). I even stood in line at 3:oo the afternoon to get you something you really wanted that was going to be released at midnight because I wanted to make you happy. You have had 2 brand new cars in the last 2 years and your work 5 minutes from home. Sure, my used car is fine, but how come you get a car that I can't even drive? I commute 60 miles a day--what if something happened to my car? I can't even drive yours! Not to mention all the other little toys you have accumulated throughout our marriage.
I have always encouraged you and supported you to have your hobbies because I knew they made you happy. I would even go to your family functions without you if you had something you wanted to do. Can't you see that I only ever wanted you to be happy, and now you say I make you miserable?
Let me tell you something. I love you and I want our relationship to work, but I am tired of being your scapegoat for whatever unhappiness in your life you created. Sure, I became depressed because I felt like I was working my butt off working and going to school trying to build a better life for US and you never once acknowledged how hard I was working or even tried to do something out of your way to be nice and try to make me feel better about what I was doing.
You say that we have had problems for a while and that you have tried. Sure, I really appreciate that you vaccuum and empty the dishwasher, and even cook. By doing these things that even a roomate could do, how is that trying to work on our relationship? Honestly, I sort of expected it since you only work 6 hours a day. Sure, you would occassionally give me a hug because you knew I was starved for affection. Thanks, but I knew you were just going through the motions. I could see right through you.
I'm sorry for whatever behavior of mine made you unhappy. I know I am not an easy person to live with. Had I known what you were feeling, had you talked to me once in a while, maybe I could done something. You never even gave me a chance.
Now you have devasted me to the point where I don't even want to go on anymore, just because in your own selfish and demented view of things I am a horrible person that is to blame for all of your unhappiness. You couldn't be more wrong. And maybe once I realize that I am better off without you, you will realize how good you had it and what a horrible mistake you have made.
