New post old member lvaughn24: I have been separated for a year and a half now. I have finally moved on with my life. Ive been dating a wonderful man for seven months now. I still am not divorced but im waiting for my taxes then i will file. My ex is newly engaged ,and awaiting our divorce to get married. Im ok with this, but I dont know that he is hes in phase now calling me all the time and asking me to come over. Hopefully this will stop soon. Things are going good it seems , so why am I on here you ask? My boyfriend now is also separated, and we started dating a month after his separation. I feel as if i may be a rebound. He still pays his exes bills and they remain friends. I am falling in love with him but im scared to get heartbroken again.How do I know if im his rebound, and im also finding it hard to trust again. Any advice would be helpful.
Re: New post old member marfanoidus: Hey lvaughn, glad you're well.
My advice - considering you started dating one month after he separated coupled with his current financial ties to her, there is an extremely good chance it is a rebound relationship for him. Remember all the emotional and psychological turmoil you had to sort through and come to terms with, all the new perspectives in life you had to develop after your breakup, and all the growth you had to go through to come to where you are? Very few people, if anyone, could go through all that and be truly ready to enter into a new relationship in a state where they are ready to fully participate in a healthy manner in just one month's time.
Your trust issues.... read some of my previous posts on my perspectives on that. However, if someone is not ready to trust, are they really ready to be in a relationship? Can they really participate in a healthy way? The answer is 'yes', if and only if they are aware of it (which you are) and if they are willing to work on it so that presence of the distrust doesn't act as a divisive force, and there is a conscious effort to overcome it.
I know what I said sounds doom and gloomy, but it really isn't. The possibility of this being a rebound relationship for your boyfriend is not a dealbreaker - it is an opportunity for you to open lines of communication, show him you want the best for him and your relationship with him. Maybe he is ready now, maybe you two will find he will need to take time to grow independently of being in a relationship. But if there is a part of him that needs to be alone for a while, you two can go through that now, or it will happen down the road when the impact is larger. This is an opportunity for growth for both of you - communication, trust, personal development, recovering from pain, etc...
Although your concerns may seem to be a harbinger of doom, you have the power to turn the situation into something positive.
good luck to you,
walt
Re: New post old member Trillian: All I can say is DITTO to what Walt said.
It seems to me that you could very well be the rebound relationship for him. Have you talked to him, asked him if this is the case? Asked why he is still paying his ex's bills and so forth?
Just a thought...
Re: New post old member lvaughn24: Yes I have he says hes thought about it in his mind to, and feels that I am not a rebound. He says this because when we first met he was completely drawn to me as I was to him. All he could think about was getting to know me better and seeing me again when he asked for my number I gave it to him and he didnt call me for three weeks. We started as being just friends.He still pays his exes bills because at the time he left she didnt have a job. he agreed to do it for 1 year to help her to get on her feet at one year it stops. The bills he pays for her are like the house payment because its in his name.
Re: New post old member JNA: [quote author=lvaughn24 link=topic=24529.msg230407#msg230407 date=1138118194">
I have finally moved on his rebound, and im also finding it hard to trust again. Any advice would be helpful.
[/quote">
Hard to trust...Go figure
Yup that could probably be a party line here
As far as knowing if you are his rebound there is no way I know of to find that out...
A lot of times with dating we just have to give a little bit of trust and see what happens
It is hard for some of us to do because of what someone we were with previously may have done but it is the only way...
I wish I had some kind of formula or some cyrstal ball to tell whether this or that person is going to burn me, you or anyone but there is no such thing
Sorry for that...
JNA
I say give the guy the benefit of the doubt...
