What I knew all along dyane: Growing up I was told that I wasn't worth a penny.....never had been never would be. I just automatically assumed that was true and that I would never marry. But lo and behold at the age of 30 I did marry. I TOLD him TIME AND TIME AGAIN about my feelings of worthlessness and he KNEW about my self destructice tendencies but he PROMISED that no matter what happened he wouldn't give up on me without a fight. HE LIED. I messed up one time and he was out of there. True I should not have raised our credit card debt so high but that could have been worked out. We could have gone to counseling but noooooooooo he just validated what I thought all along. There is noone out there willing to fight for me. THere is noone out there who loves me enough not to run away at the first sign of trouble. If I hadn't been honest, he never would have known about the debt. I was paying the bills but it was killing me to keep such a secrest from my husband of less than a year. What did he do in response???? He went running to my parents.........who I have NEVER gotten along with and his parents. And they all sat around talking about what a sorry person I was. In less that a month his mother had given him the money for a HIGH priced attorney and the divorce was under way. NOT ONE PERSON suggested counseling except me but would he do it????? NO!!!! I lost everything because I had no money left for an attorney. He got the house, BOTH cars and our daughter. I have been in homeless shelters and the hospital due to sever depression and suicidal thoughts. I am at my wits end and everyone else's lives have just carried on. WHAT ABOUT ME?????
Re: What I knew all along JNA: We all hit lows points in our lives...Sometimes when you think all is lost is when that second wind comes along and picks you up...
I am sorry you were always told you were worthless and I am sure others things...You know that is not true right
If it is any consolation I was lied to time and time again also...One of those lies included this statement..."OH I would never do that to you...
Well guess what
So I know the feeling somwhat...
I know it is difficult to do but you have to stand up brush yourself off and look straight ahead. Just don't look back and move forward
Remember the wrongs done to you so no one is ever given the chance to do it again and start from here...
Start your new life...
It is probably not what you want to hear but looking back is only going to hurt more
And don't beleive no one will stay with you or be loyal...We just sometimes choose to trust the wrong person...
It is not a reflection on you
It is a reflection on him and his "bad" choices
Stay Strong
JNA
Re: What I knew all along threetimeloser: No one is worthless. But only you can pick yourself up and start over now. Many of us have done it. It is not impossible to come up.
Have you ever considered why you don't get along with your parents. Could it be they did not understand you? I would hope that they would want to help even if they disagreed with some of the decisions you have made.
Even if this is not the case, you can still have help, but you must want to. And as hard as it is, you can no longer give up on yourself. It is never easy, but no one wants to see you fail. We all want to encourage you. Once you done for yourself, there is always the possibility to have your daughter back.
This is not the end. You are not alone. No one here will judge you. We want to help. There is hope.
Re: What I knew all along TheAbyss: Hello Dyane,
I am so sorry to hear that you were made to feel worthless in your young years. That is just wrong, because you were not worthless then and you are not worthless now. There are people that will (and already do) love you, in particular God, who loves you unconditionally. He always has and He always will.
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I had a wife many years ago that liked to shop a bit too much, but that is not why we got divorced. I was just recently dumped by a girl I loved very much, and had been with for 7 years. Boy did SHE like to shop. Her debt was incredible. But that (again) was not why we split up. We were never married, but did spend those 7 long years together.
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It makes me sad to think that you feel so badly about yourself. It makes me mad that he up and left you after you were honest enough to tell him what was going on with the shopping. I know I am only getting one side of this story, but from what I've read, I hurt for you.
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As for your losses, the only thing that matters is the daughter. Work on some arrangement where you can see your daughter regularly. After all, you are her mother.
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Hang in there. There are already people out there that DO love you, now learn to love yourself. (I'm telling this to myself too!)
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If that man left you only because you shop too much, then he was not much of a catch anyway. I think that could have been taken care of, the debt load paid down, and then some counseling might have been good.
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Be good! The people here will help you all they can.
Re: What I knew all along bonehead: Everybody is here for a good reason. You are not worthless, you have been kicked in the ass by life. When you reach the lowest point you learn about yourself. No one can ever take that from you. I feel for you, and wish you the best. Know that your Ojar frinds are here for you.
