joint custody questions soycheese: Hi! I lurk on this forum all the time and love and value the people and the wisdom they provide. I have some more direct questions this time around and would love input from anyone, especially those who have gone through child custody cases.
My ex moved w/ my daughter all the way from Ca. to Pa.
Now it's a week or so away from mediation. I have no representation or impartial council. My ex has a top lawyer, a wealthy family and lots of free time to study different plans and what works for a three yr. old. I've done some research into custody cases, but I work between 40 to 60 hrs a week. It's been barely fruitful. My ex has offered me two weeks in christmas, two weeks in the summer and two weeks on or near my daughter's birthday. My family believes I should sit tight till mediation. They want 3 to 4 mo. out of the year. My daughter's 3. Is what my family wants even possible or realistic? What if my ex is giving me a good deal? To be honest, even if I could get more I want to go with my ex. I feel we're still the co-parents and this should only be between her and I. I also feel that if I play ball it would be infinitely better for my daughter and will staunch some of the bitterness between parents that may reach into my daughters' psyche.
Any advice or experiences would be greatly appreciated at this point. Thank you so much for your time beautiful o-jarians!
Re: joint custody questions Peaceandquiet: Soy I just went back and read some of your past posts, and I'm not a sobbing kind of guy but your story is one of the hardest I have ever had to read. I am truely sorry for all that has happened to you and now this. I would not take any deals under any circumstances even with all you have been through. I would let it go to mediation, I would think with what happened in December no judge would take away your right to see your daughter on a more frequent basis.
Re: joint custody questions soycheese: Hello Peaceandquiet! I'm amazed by the quick reply. Thank you for taking the time to read those older posts! That was incredibly thoughtful.
Yes, I've been procrastinating so far till mediation. That may very well be the route I end up taking. My ex has impressed upon me her needs to get on with her life. She's also expressed her concern that in mediation I'd get a lot less and I'd have to pay for costly mediation fees. Not being able to afford a lwayer is incredibly intimidating. For all I know she may be right.Her lawyer is very well respected and when I went to seek council they raved about him! Great.
Re: joint custody questions CinciChic: This is a tough choice to make for anyone
do I fight or don't I?
I have always told everyone I know to fight for what they want when it comes to their kids... male or female, doesn't matter! The distance between you will surely make anything tough.
but, really, are you willing to settle for only 6 weeks out of the year?
that isn't much time at all. By the time she gets to settle in, it will be time for her to go back home. No fair either way you go.
If you truely love your daughter, and I'm sure you do, fight all you can, and even if you do not get what you want... at least you can say you tried! when your daughter gets older she will not be able to say "you didn't care daddy"
fight for what you want and stand by it!
Re: joint custody questions beentheredoneit: I have to tell you that the basic rules for out of state parenting time border on insufficient and yours is WAY below that!!! You should get at least half the summer (that's six weeks there) and every other holiday. transportation for the child should be split 50/50, have you looked into legal aid? although this is not the best, it is certainly better than nothing! The basic motto is, ask for way more than you want and then talk down, so start out with six months out of the year (example) and if they talk you down to 3 or 4 months, you are still making out!!! hope this helps!!!
