Re: Am I crazy trying to save our marriage? He has bipolar
My husband left me after we bought out 1st house and our daughter was about 8-9 months old. He had an affair with a "cheap" secretary at his law firm (he is an attorney). He then moved in with her, bought an engagement ring for her after 6 months of knowing her, the relationship didn't work out, and then he moved out. A month before our final court date he wanted to seriously come back. All along the time he was having the affair he kept making little moves to test me if he could come back and his behavior was irratic and crazy. His emotions were up and down, he would go and still does have rages of anger at me for things in his life he is unhappy with (ie. his job, buying the house, having a baby, money issues, etc.). Nothing seemed to be right or make him happy. HE told me after he was gone and then out of the affair he blamed everything on me and the baby and then when he was alone he realized it wasn't us that was the problem it was him. He said he thought he was depressed, needed anti-anxiety medication, and therapy.
He told me 3 weeks ago he was going to the doctor to get help.
Well, he ended up canceling the appointment because of work. HE then said he didn't have time to go to counseling because of his work schedule.
Last week I decided I couldn't wait another year for him to decide on our marriage and for him to get the psychological treatment he needed to make himself healthy.
We settled the divorce last week between our lawyers.
So after telling you my story.... I guess my point is ... do you want to live with his psychological illness and is he going to get help? How will this affect your daughter and how she grows up? Can you trust him again?
These were all things I had to ask myself for months. Because my husband did not take action in getting help for himself which would help our marriage... I decided to take action to move forward to get control over my life. To get off the emotional roller coaster that was so unhealthy for me and in effect our daughter.
Although my husband did not have a clinical diagnosis of bi-polar- his emotional health in about every aspect of his life was and still is in danger.
Many family members and friends have told me he has psychological problems and needs help. I am currently in counseling because of the divorce and dealing with my husband's irrational behavior. Counseling has helped alot. I came to realize I was giving up a part of myself to try to make him happy and really wasn't enjoying the marriage with his psychological problems.
I still love my ex-husband and probably always will- the rational loving side of him that is. I just know that we can't be together until he has helped himself and is ready to give to me and his daughter- be a real husband and father. If that time ever comes I might consider being with him again because I do love him..... but right now I love myself and daughter more and want to keep our home healthy and stable with love.
I don't know if that helps any but I would suggest going to counseling to help you make the right decision if his behavior doesn't change.
I wish you the best and know what it is like to be in your shoes.
Take Care and Good Luck-
Aphrodite
Am I crazy trying to save our marriage? He has bipolar Ganesh: My husband and I have been married for 3 yrs and we have 19 months old daughter. We lived in together for 3 years before we got married. As a couple we were doing very well. Everyone thought we were the perfect couple until he had an affair with someone he worked w/ and left us to live with her.
He was not involved with our daughter during the separation period. After six months of separation, he called to tell me that he has been diagnosed bi- polar disorder and taking medications. 10 months after our separate, he wanted to come home and I mentioned to him that he needs to have a good reason to come back to us as he had mentioned many mean things to me like " He was NEVER in love with me" "I pushed him to get married", I pushed him to have a baby and what not….
Anyway, both of us talked after we completed our one year separation. He wanted to come home and I wanted to give him a second chance. I told him that first thing he needs to do is to move out from the other girl’s place, find an apt and prove that he is worthy of coming back in our lives He said he was going to do it. He was assigned to go out of county that week and wanted to see us before he left. He came to spend the evening with us. We had a nice evening until we ended up in argument. Before he left the house, he said make sure to collect insurance if he does not come back. I tried to reach him but he never called me back that night. Next day, his brother called me and said that my husband’s psychiatrist had called that he should not be going out of the country. I was worried and tried calling him to make sure that he was OK.
He called me from the airport that he was OK and he talked w/ our daughter. His brother who lives in NY actually went to see him at the airport and said everything was fine.
Next thing is I get this mail from my husband who actually filed for divorce on the day he left for his international trip. He did not mention anything to me when I talked to him that afternoon and neither an email to warn me about his decision.
I was shock and hurt. I felt he wanted to punish me for arguing with him night before. I am distorted. I finally went to see a lawyer to put my agreement together.
I know, his decision making is vastly affected with his mental illness. All his friends and his brothers are telling me that this is not what he wants. They have been trying to reach him since he got back and I have not gotten call from him. I do not know what to do.
One way, I feel relief that this is coming to the end. On the other hand, I feel I still love him and want to help him. Am I crazy?
Re: Am I crazy trying to save our marriage? He has bipolar Ganesh: Thank you for sharing your story. I must tell you that you are brave and strong to be able to move forward
I am having such a difficult time to accept that he moved in with his gal, who actually came to house and saw our baby. We even went out for lunch together. She knew me pretty well. Even though, I feel issue is his.. I am so upset that he is going to be with this woman and that I have to deal with him and her eveytime he takes our baby for the weekend. If it was with somebody else it would have been easy.
He is getting help and taking medication for bi-polar for about 5 months. He is having lots of health issues.. gained weight, sleeping disorder and his mood swings are still there. His brothers say that he is getting worse with the medication. But I feel he is coming around but does have his mood swings.
I think the reason he went ahead and filed for divorce is to punish me that I had asked him to move out from his current situation and find an apt. before moving in the house. I told him that I am not waiting for him any longer. If he wants to be back, he needs to act soon. Actually, this is what the normal person would do.
Should I stop him and talk about getting back together? I have not talked to him since he got back from his international trip 4 days ago.I am so torn apart..
Re: Am I crazy trying to save our marriage? He has bipolar aphrodite: It's hard- I know- you are going to feel torn apart fo a while regardless of what happens with your marriage.
I would sit back and watch... he already knows what you want- he now has to decide for himself if that's what he wants- If he filed for divorce and continues to want it = then you have your answer.
Don't forget this is your life. Although it will be hard to be a single mom with a baby you will survive- who knows you might even meet someone without the psychological problems and who can be an equal to you.
I was so heart broken when my husband left. I can truly say it changed my life and I am a different person. After months and the divorce now almost final I can say my heart break has turned to relief.
I no longer have to live with a depressed angry person. I no longer feel like I am walking on "eggshells" when he is around. I have my life and feel healthier in a weird way. I am dating and learning about men.
Life is now good and I thought it never would be again.
So hang in there and if he is going to come around he will and if he doesn't you will come to find your life will be netter without him and you will discover new things.
Good luck and keep in touch with ojar!
Aphrodite
