Babies/Toddlers and visitation? wendieann: My STBXH was never an active "father" to our children. >:( There was someone always around helping out. ::)
It worries me about him taking our 7 month old and 2 yr old. I KNOW this man, and how unresponsible he is... :-[
He never ever, got up with the kids in the night.
He never remember to feed them!
He argued to change diapers.
He has never bathed our daughter (7months now)
I don't remember the last time he bathed our son!??!!
He drank around them in large quanities.
He drove when he drank...
etc.etc.etc.
>:( ???
Right now he has supervised visitation at a centre with a day care. Twice a week and he already has problems making it to them!!! >:( I am the one who initiated and started these proceedings so he can get to know them.
Anyone with little children, what are your visitation schedules? ??? With my concerns how do I fight his taking them without being supervised???
ps. I am also still nursing...
pss. I know there are alot of great fathers out there, my STBXH acted very much like a teenager still... I have valid concerns...
Re: Babies/Toddlers and visitation? alonewith4: I know how u feel. My soon to be ex is the same way. He has full visitations with our two girls ages 1,2. He is also a known meth addict. That scares the heck out of me. Also he brings his drug addict girlfriends around them. Want to get a lawyer to work this out. What really scares me is I just had our third child. Our first boy and I don't want him to grow up like his daddy. So if you find anything out let me know so I can protect my children.
Re: Babies/Toddlers and visitation? sasha1: :'( Count me in, too. My ex sounds very much like yours. Currently, we're in the midst of litigation over custody and access (among other things), and I haven't won yet, so advice is tough to give at this point. That said, I would recommend listing every incident you can recall and when it happened that would support your concerns. You need to be able to prove that he cannot be trusted, because so many moms have lied and slandered their ex's that the court will not take a mother's "word". The court won't care about his being irresponsible around the home (like 'forgetting' to fix things, etc.), so as frustrating as all that was, you'll need to set it aside, and focus on what the court will pay attention to. And, you need to be specific. Saying that he always forgot to feed them on time won't cut it; stating that at Aunt Mary's birthday party, he got drunk and dropped "X" on his head is something the court needs to hear, for example. Then, you want to have independent witnesses to that write a letter confirming they saw it all, and make sure they're willing to sign an affidavit. Does he have any criminal record relating to the drinking? Impaireds, assault charges, etc.? Those count. How about hospital visits due to alcohol-related incidents? Has he been in rehab for his drinking before? Did you seek counselling that could possibly confirm the drinking issues? Has he been violent while drinking? Broken anything in the home? Can you show that? Most important, has his drinking ever put the children at risk? And if so, how can you back up your allegations? Do you have witnesses to drinking episodes that will back you up? Have you ever contacted AADAC or sought your own counselling to try to cope with his drinking issues? Get all your evidence in order, and do your best to make a timeline of events related to the problems that resulted from his drinking. Use bank statements, phone bills, memorable events, etc. to backtrack and date everything you can, if you haven't been keeping track already.
As you can see, the theme here is document, document, and document some more. Keep in mind that it's an uphill battle, because you have to show that you are not just being vindictive and mud-slinging, but trying to present a real concern and issue. Also keep in mind that most of the lawyers and judges involved likely drink themselves, and some probably drink more than their spouses would like, so they will want to see that you can show this is more serious than that.
Probably the best advice I can give you is:
1). Be honest.. although it may be tempting at times to be "inventive", don't do it; take the high road and be honest about what has and has not been an issue; credibility is everything in family court, and the last thing you need is to be ignored on the truth because you got creative here and there.
2). If you really feel in your heart that there's potential danger to your children, don't stop fighting! It will get discouraging, many times, but your children are counting on YOU to protect them, for they have no one else. When you feel ready to throw in the towel, go to the website for MADD.. read some of the stories about children who died as a result of drunk driving, and recharge those batteries.
Initially, when I filed with the courts, I told my lawyer (and put in my affidavit) that my ex had a serious drinking problem, had had impaired charges before, and I was certain he was drinking and driving again. Even my lawyer didn't really believe me back then, I could tell, and I certainly got in hot water with my ex and his family for my statements. Four monthes later, he smashed his truck into a semi because he was pissed out of his mind and driving home from the bar. He walked away uninjured, miraculously, but got his fourth impaired charge out of it. Had the kids been with him, they'd be dead. He insisted on them riding in the front seat (to the point of taking me to court over it), and where they rode was where the motor and front end of the truck ended up. Hopefully now the courts will take it seriously.
Good luck, and PM me if you like!
Re: Babies/Toddlers and visitation? wendieann: Alonewith4 ~ sounds like you have your hands full! Since you have only been separated for 6 months, did you guys split while you were pregnant? :o I have 2 babies and 2 teens!
As for proving anything, no... I can't. My STBHX always got someone else to drive so he wouldn't get caught... Now his OW drives everywhere for him! Typical! ::)
I live in Manitoba so I don't know what the laws are elsewhere. However, I am going to prove he hasn't been an active father, and even now has v.little to do with the kids... Perhaps I will suggest some parenting courses... without OW... ::)
Our baby girl is now 7 months old and he has spent 5 hours with her since Sept 11!! IF, he maintained a relationship with them right from the beginning this wouldn't be as bad... however, he dropped us for the OW...
Because of their ages, and the lack of parenting, I can request 1-2 hours, every other day, even supervised for several months. So, that's what I am going to be doing/trying...... ;)
Truly as long as I was sitting right there he was a good father, when he wanted to be...however, I hated leaving him alone with the kids...at any age... He would forget he had kids.. >:(
Re: Babies/Toddlers and visitation? alonewith2: When my son was younger (and I was nursing still), the court awarded supervised visits like I asked. It helped that I was still nursing. He had visitation at my sister's house every other Sun for 4 hours. This lasted for 6 weeks, then he started having visitation for 8 hours every Sunday. This was another 6 weeks. Then he was allowed to take our son every other Saturday night and keep him overnight until Sunday afternoon. This lasted another 6 weeks, until he was finally able to take him every other weekend from Friday to Sunday.
He would lose visitation or have to start all over again if he missed any of his meeting times.
