I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? gutinstincts_7: [color=green"> Hi I am new here. This is my first topic talk. It is definately something I want to not have happened in my life but my h is addicted to porn. I feel that my self-esteem has really suffered a huge blow. After having children you just don't look at your body the same anyway but then for this to be thrown in my face....REALLY STABS. I have not just let my body go by any means. I continually get compliments from others besides my h that I look good. I like the compliments it feels good but it isn't coming from the person that I desire it to come from; my h. He will say nice things but you know when you know it in your insides that it is genuine. AM I just having too high of expectations. I don't agree with the porn, the compulsive masturbation, the lies. I told my h before we got married how I felt about being only unto him and he lied when he agreed with me. He is such a hypocrit. [/color">
Re: I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? 21218: when you say compulsive and addiction, what are we talking about here? does he take time away from you, is he not intimate with you, etc.?
make it a little clearer to me ... if he neglects you or other family responsibilites, yes. it might be an addiction. but if he does it once or twice a day, no. a beer or two after work does not make someone an alcoholic.
Re: I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? gutinstincts_7: Compulsive meaning over the last decade. And addiction meaning he has told himself repeatedly he wouldn't do it anymore and continues. Time away from family. He works late alot. As for me, he gets it when he wants it. I am no prude. But I do feel that when I met him and knew his moral values were higher than mine that I wouldn't have expected this. I have asked him many times throughout our lives together if he had masturbated and he said "NO" I have asked him to do that while we were doing our thang...and he said he didn't feel comfortable. When I had found porn and confronted him he said that sometimes certain websites attached unwanted things to the computer. Another lie now that I know for a fact that he has had this enormous fetish with fantasy and masturbation.
Re: I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? 21218: you're not going to like this.
you're blowing this way out of proportion ... the reason he can't talk to you about it is because you're completely unwilling to see his behavior as reasonable and normal. guess what -- it is. you're putting him in a lose-lose situation ... you're telling him that he's wrong and sick for doing what he's doing, why should he tell you? as far as him "wanting to stop" ... he doesn't want to. he wants you to get off his ass about it.
it's like a hobby or friends that he doesn't spend with you ... i mean, you're telling a grown man that he can't jerk off a little. it's a private and personal thing for him, so leave him alone about it.
he's not an alcoholic, he doesn't beat you, he provides well for your family ... and most importantly he's meeting these private needs of his in the privacy of his home, on his own, without neglecting any of your needs. he's not cheating on you, he's looking at some pictures or movies to get off.
if it bothers you so much that it's "other women" ... i don't know, how about talking to him about this like a civil adult and telling him that it bothers you but you understand that's who he is and you want to support him in it. try to honestly talk to him about it instead of putting him in a situation where he has to lie or get berated. maybe taking photos or videos of the two of you for him might work, I don't know.
it's HIM touching HIS body. he loves you and he wants you. if he wanted to cheat on you, he would.
stop riding his ass. be willing to look at this from more than just your point of view. stop focusing on how wrong he is and start looking at how wrong you might be.
he loves you, he's not a bad person, accept who he is instead of beating him down. WHAT HE IS DOING IS NOT WRONG.
Re: I feel betrayed....is it justifiable?? 21218: you have your fundamentalist, bible thumping christian "morals". I don't share them.
the reason he feels guilt about this is because of all that crap, and because you're riding his ass about the whole thing as well.
if you really want to love and support him ... i dunno, love and support him?
physical abuse? i would assume that isn't a real problem because that's not why you're on here, is it? if it really is a serious problem and not something that you're throwing up in my face, then that's something that's a real problem ... not this. i don't know the specifics of your financial situation so I'm not even going to get into that.
he obviously has a part of him that wants and needs this release. again, it's not a wrong or terrible thing. it's normal.
you have your opinion and I have mine ... but you came on here asking "I feel betrayed....is it justifiable??" ... I'm telling you it's not. You've already decided it's justifiable and you won't listen to someone that's telling you that it's not. So if you have a serious question, fine. It you just want people to agree with you ... maybe other people on here will, but I certainly won't.
