My weekend with the kids, and my stbx is having a great time without us prettyparker: I have the kids every other weekend. The baby stays with me full-time, but the 9 and 7 year old live with my stbxh. It is hard on Saturday nights when I have them because I know he is with his girlfriend having dinner, or dancing or something fun that we never did while we were married.
I didn't mind their affair when it first started, we were having problems and there was less stress in the house while he focused on his secret relationship. But the arguing continued and got worse until I moved out of the house into an apartment. We had fewer arguements but he kept his affair going. Actually, it grew stronger since he didn't have to hide in his car or go to the grocery store to call her from his cell.
Now, we've been officially seperated 3 months and we've switch every other weekend with all three children since I first left. We file for divorce this year.
I'm filled with lots of emotions about the divorce - relief, sadness, anger, happiness - all at the same time. I didn't want to be married for the last 8 years, but I didn't want to be alone either. He's a good person and I don't hate him or dislike him. I just get envious on my weekends with the kids because I know he goes out and has a good time with his friends and girlfriend. And I don't have a lot of friends and I don't go anywhere when I have the weekend to myself.
I usually just try to sleep through those weekends as much a possible. I'm taking the divorce, my life, my sanity on a day-by-day basis. Wait, on second thought, make that three hour intervals. I did well for the last three hours, but I'm not sure if I will make it through the next three hours without tearing up hurt or sighing heavily with relief and contentment.
It would be nice to have someone to just be in the apartment with me if I wanted to chat about something I'm reading or watching on TV. Or at least someone I could talk to on the phone when it is my weekend with the kids so that I wouldn't think about all the fun he is having with his single life.
That's all I have. Thanks for letting me speak.
Re: My weekend with the kids, and my stbx is having a great time without us Jen H: That's really tough. It is hard not to focus on him having fun. I guess the best thing for you to do is to find out what you find to be the most fun and then do it. Even if it is simply watching TV or reading a book or something. As long as it is what you want to do. If what you really want to do is go out and have a good time too, then find a friend to go with. If no one comes to mind, join a group. Church groups are great for meeting friendly people. Just call and find out what they have to offer. You may find yourself involved in a bunch of things in no time. That leaves very little time for focusing on him. During the days, I always schedule things with friends as much as possible. If my stbxh has the kids, I always have plans with someone. I hate being alone so I try to avoid it. Without my network of friends I don't know where I'd be. (Just too bad for me none of them are cute guys in their early to mid 30s!)
Hang in there! If nothing else, write online. We all apparently have nothing better to do either! :)
Re: My weekend with the kids, and my stbx is having a great time without us prettyparker: Thanks. I wish I had more friends, but all of my girlfriends were the wives of his fraternity brothers and guy friends. So I don't really have a lot of people to chat with who aren't connected to him in some way.
I like your idea about joining a group - I'll look into that. And of course, I can always post messages! ;)
