More a vent than anything else.... but friend-related Spectrum: *sigh*
Since I've been separated from the STBX, I've been rebuilding some of my old friendships that went by the wayside during my marriage.
Obviously after the initial breakup, I was going through some very difficult and stressful times emotionally. In addition, I was facing the busiest season of the year, with alot of new job demands that were thrust upon me before the beginning of busy season when a senior employee transferred out of the office.
I was a wreak at some times, and didn't really know who to turn to. Right around this time, I had an accidental meeting with a guy who I have known for about 10 years, and was fairly good friends with up until about 5 years ago, when I met the STBX and got married.
During this rough period for me, this guy was a real blessing. He had a knack for calling me up out of the blue when I was starting to get down in the dumps and he would cheer me up. He was not anyone I was ever attracted to or interested in dating, but he was intelligent and fun to talk to, so we started hanging out periodically.
Over the last few weeks, however, this guy has started to make me feel incredibly uncomfortable. It started out with innocent little things; for example he would dress up more when we were going out to do things. Then he started walking me to my car. He would also make comments about how he really enjoyed spending time with me because I was so much more intelligent than most of the people he'd been hanging out with recently, etc, and how he wanted to start doing things "a few times per week" (he has made this specific comment multiple times).
I started getting the idea that he might be interested in being more than just friends, which kind of took the wind out of my sails. There had been instances when we used to be friends way back when that suggested he would have liked to be more than friends, but he generally was too polite to impose where he wasn't wanted before.
Apparently, things have changed.
Particularly over the last week or so, this friend has asked some rather explicit and personal questions of me, and I made the mistake of laughing them off and also responding to them, then trying to steer to different, more comfortable subjects. At one point he mentioned that he had noticed my discomfort on a previous occasion, and I explained to him that I haven't been very comfortable with men flirting with me lately, particularly my male friends, because I was counting on them to be there for me as friends and not muddy the waters.
At first I thought the message had been received, but it has become apparent to me that it wasn't at all. Tonight I had dinner with this friend, and completely out of the blue he made an extremely vulgar and explicit comment to me, obviously just joking, but yet I was really upset by it. He insisted that he was just recalling a conversation that he and I had a long time ago, but truly I can't imagine saying anything to him like what he was supposedly recalling. In any case, we were having a polite dinner, and it was completely out of context, and it really bothered me that he said it.
I don't know why I'm so bothered by the whole thing.... Obviously at some point I must have given him the impression that I was comfortable with him saying things like that to me, but I honestly can't remember when or how I would have done it.
I guess when it comes down to it, the whole situation just left me feeling really disrespected and kind of icky, for lack of a better description. Definitely deflated.... Blah.
How could this guy tell me he always enjoyed talking to me because I was more dignified and reserved than our other female friends, yet turn around and say these inappropriate things to me? Especially when he is obviously aware that he is making me uncomfortable?
I guess I've just had a run lately of unwanted male attention, particularly from men I consider friends... And it really bums me out. I don't know how to handle it. I laugh it off, but deep down it hurts to think that maybe these men really just don't respect me.... And I'm tired of being disrespected by men. I've had enough of it to last a lifetime.
*sigh*
Spectrum.
Re:More a vent than anything else.... but friend-related incoherentlonghorn: [glow=red,2,300"> BIG LONGHORN HUGS[/glow"> for Spec and I promise I won't hit on you.
It is a shame that men who don't listen lose our once freely given respect, you deserve better sweetie.
Good luck and hang in there,
LL
Re:More a vent than anything else.... but friend-related picadilly: Big platonic hugs to you, Spec. ;)
I guess when you guys were younger & he thought he had some time, maybe he wasn't ruching but now that he's older, maybe his "internal clock" is ticking & he's looking for a relationship. Could be he's kept a candle burning for you & now he thinks he can get you?
I don't really know if I can offer advice to you in this regard, it's never been something I've had to deal with. I think, the only thing to do is sit him down, tell him again that you want his friendship & nothing more. Maybe curb your time out with him alone to once every 2 weeks or in group environments.
Hey, you never need to be in a situation that makes you feel icky, you have dealt with that enough, thank you very much.
Be cool, respect always from this Ojar friend. :D
Re:More a vent than anything else.... but friend-related janee: Take a break from him. Sounds like he wants to be more than just friends. If he makes jokes that hurt you, tell him you don't appreciate it. I was "friends" with a guy and he would verbally put me down, disguising his comments as jokes. I found out through other friends he wanted to be with me. I told him I was not interested, so he went and said malicious things about me to others, including my stbx. Sour grapes.
Re:More a vent than anything else.... but friend-related Safetykc: Support Support Support....
You know my thoughts already on this topic spec but once again...
Support Support Support
:)
