I am at my wits end... notbychoice: ok so here is my deal...I dont post much, I am mainly a lurker, but I have posted before so some of you might remember. I was married to my ex for 8 years with him a total of about 15 years. He wanted the divorce, (which totally shocked me b/c I always thought "I" was the unhappy one) It nearly destroyed me...I thought I would rather be dead then go through what I went through many of times....nothing numbed the pain...not enough drinking, chain smoking...nothing!!!
then when I finally started getting my life back together he called me and started the whole..."i have made a mistake" "must have been mid life crisis" "we were suppossed to grow old together" blah blah blah.....well during this time that he decided he did not want to be married any longer (8 months total) I did ALOT of thinking and realized I wasnt happy either. He hit me on a two occassions (but I always gave him the excuse he was really drunk), our life was ALWAYS about him. Everything!! He got very angry about sex, and hit walls..if I was too tried etc (I know maybe too much info there sowwy :) I sacrificed so much.....but on a positive note we also had our good times or else we wouldnt have lasted for 8 years being married.
I have since moved on...met an amazing man who treats me like a woman should be treated with respect and kindness. So WHY in the HE** do I still continue to think am I making a mistake should I go back to my ex? Will things be different? Its like nothing feels like home right now. I am living someone elses life. Will these feelings finally go away. I have a more peaceful life now...I dont have to feel guilty about sex, about not wanting to go out and get drunk b/c I worked all week....and just being the homebody that I am. I am finally free to really be who I am...not what someone else wants me to be.. So why am I feeling like this...Is it because it was such a long period of my life that it was familar and everything now is new? Someone said before its almost like the feeling when you were a kid away from home...that homesick feeling in the pit of your stomach.
How can I just let myself enoy my new found life and forget the past and what might have been....am I going to be old and in my rocker on the front porch telling my great grandchildren that I should have re married my first husband??? or am I just afraid of change even if its positive? ANY advice would be appreciated!!
Re:I am at my wits end... notbychoice: waaahhhhh :'( nobody loves me! Might as well just eat worms! ;)
Re:I am at my wits end... Buggs: first of all, don't eat worms.
second. Follow your gut on this one. You know your ex best, is he sincere? Does he still have anger issues, abusive relationships are to be taken seriously. Whatever you do, don't compare. Imagine you hadn't met mr.Niceguy, how would you react then? Base your decision to return to your ex on him and what you FEEl he can offer you. It's gotta be tough but I think whatever decision you make, you have to follow it through otherwise it won't be fair to you, ex, or Mr.Niceguy. Sitting in the middle will drive you to eat worms!!
buggs
good luck
Re:I am at my wits end... picadilly: Notbychoice, buck up, we love you, it's just that sometimes, the forums are slow. monday morning blues you know. :P
Hey, remember that you do deserve someone that loves you & would never lay a hand on you to hurt you, sobre or drunk. There is just no excuse for it. If he hits you while drunk, chances are he'll drink again or maybe next time he won't need a drink to do it.
Alchohol lowers peoples inhibitions, meaning some people will become more quiet, reserved & others will be more out going. The true personalities come out, the ones they suppress.
Hang in there, that new guy sounds promising, don't feel the need that the marriage needs another chance. Is he going into counselling for his drinking? or his abusive nature? if he's not then there will not be any change in how he treats you. 3 months into it, he'll be exactly the same.
Peace & love to you.
Re:I am at my wits end... mv2: I know how it is - no matter how bad the person is / was, we cling to the romantic notion that "it" was meant to be forever.
But I read in your post that you were NOT happy - that you were at times abused - that you are perhaps romanticizing the past good times at the expense of overlooking those bad times?
I think that you should be very careful - your reasons for getting back with this person may have more to do with some inner emotions, such as guilt, etc. that may cause you to make a decision that you would regret later.
