Feeling like crap... loony: I'm new to this, stumbled on it while surfing the net. I feel so down, so awful, only 25 and I've been officially divorced for 2 months. It has been such a horrible week, drank too much while out with friends (sometimes I wonder if they really are), made a fool of myself acting obnoxiously. I know this behavior makes me feel horrible the next day, so ashamed and anxious, but I can't stop myself, I feel so alone even with people (and that's why I go out in the first place-not to feel alon) and I just drown my feelings in alcohol and can't stop drinking.
It doesn't help that my ex (he's not a bad person really, I don't hate him) thinks that the divorce is my fault (we were married for 3 years) and has even told my mother this. And she believes him! But I'm not very close to her anyway, not to the rest of my family either, my father was very abusive to all of us.
I don't know what to do sometimes. I've tried therapy, it made me feel worse-dredging up the past-and my family lives thousands of miles away. I make friends or I should say acquaintances fairly easily they are just not people I can confide in. I only have one friend to talk to, but I already rant and rave too much to her. I don't want to burden her.
What to do. So many feeling of desperation, loneliness (am I ever going to find anyone again?), money issues and so anxious sometimes. I also hate it that I've been gaining weight even though I exercise. So much for the divorce diet >:(
I'm moving this week from a place with a roomie to my own place. I don't want to feel any worse than this. I hate myself so much, why?
Sorry for the long rave. If anyone can relate, esp. the drinking problems, please write.
Thanks.
Re:Feeling like crap... faegonsgold: Welcome! *hugz*
I'm so sorry to hear what you're going through. But, I think you'll find that a lot of us have been in your shoes or have felt the way you have. I am 24 and have been divorced for a little over a month now. We were only married for 18 months (by the time the divorce was final). Although I cannot help on the drinking issue, I can relate to some of the other things that you are feeling (desperation, lonliness, money issues, and even the weight gain..ugh!).
We're all here to support you! Anytime you need to vent, please do so. It helps--it really does. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to pm me anytime.
Re:Feeling like crap... JDorn: Hey loony, if you need someone to talk to just send me a message. I can understand about the drinking, the last 2 months or so I seem to get mad at myself every time i go out to the bar and get drunk, yet i keep doing it just to keep from having to be alone.
In fact i did just that last night, and i've been feeling down about it all day. I don't understand how some days I can feel perfectly fine, and then the divorce issues pop right back in there and i go back to being a depressed guy at the end of the bar. I keep looking at myself in the mirror behind the bar and asking myself if this is what my life will turn into from here on out, hell i'm only 26 far to young to be giving up already, though most days i feel like that's all i can do.
I've gotten to be friends with most of the staff at my bar and until last night most of them didn't even know I was going through any of this stuff, it shocked them to finally understand why i got really quiet some nights even when i was out with all my friends.
like i said if you need someone to talk to let me know, its good to hear i'm not the only person who feels like this lately.
Re:Feeling like crap... SeeTheSun: Looks like it has been about a month since someone responded to your original message, but I wanted to say that I think I drink a lot more as a way of dealing with my recent divorce (about a month now). Was separated too for about 6 months, and had a whole lot of tough aspects of the breakup of the relationship to deal with, not the least of which was dealing with my ex leaving me for one of my closest friends. It is a long uphill battle, and I have many of the same feelings as you mention - one of the only differences is that I east very little, so have lost weight, and am working to get it back. I have many things that motivate me each day, and each part of the day that a black cloud saturated with loneliness, disappointment, fear, failure, etc. hangs over, but I try and let the many little good things I have now and also planned for the future to help me through. I don't think that the tough times will ever disappear any time soon, no matter how good the outlook is, but the good thing is that I for one believe everything does happen for a reason, and sometimes I think you have to suffer in order for that good thing to happen. Just my thoughts.....
