nearly a year trying_to_move_on: It's been nearly a year since the last time I had any contact with my then STBX, now EX.
Although I have moved on quite a bit since those dark days in 2003, I find myself wondering if my EX has any remote thoughts about me. Really, I'm probably deluding myself that he has even thought of my existence for a long time.
He left in 2002 to 'find the meaning of life' which didn't include me. He accused me of not letting him do things in his life. He flung alot of insults my way. I tried to be the rock, to be strong, and not let the words hurt. But deep down, they did.
From early on, I tried to focus on my life instead of stress about his departure. Not easy. It meant calling a friend when I wanted to pick up the phone and talk to him. Or taking a walk around the neighborhood when the stress levels got too high. Essentially, I let him go and dealt with the separation pain without him.
But these little anniversaries of small events that occurred in my life one year ago, such as the last time I communicated with him make me wonder again, wonder if he cared, or had second thoughts. Not that I would try to attempt to find him now and ask him.
But eventually my thoughts come back to this: he never loved me. That's a pretty hollow feeling.
So, I continue to walk my own path and make discoveries about myself that I would have never made if he had stayed around. In some sense, he gave me the best gift of all: freedom. Freedom to be me.
Would I want him back now? Not really. But perhaps I'd like a a closing, a final word to him that I have moved on for the best. What he did back then was not cool with me then, but I have moved on with my life.
Re:nearly a year galil: I have heard it said a number of times it takes usualy a quarter of the time you were together to actualy have "totaly" move on and finish the grieving process. I am not sure if that is in fact true but I know how you feel to say the least.
Sometimes we have a tendancy to look back and wonder and if we are allowed to stay in our own heads for a while we can actualy think alot deeper about our EXS and what they are doing and al that other BS that goes with it.
I have pretty much come to the same conclusion as you however and in some ways was put in the same situation as you as well.
If I were to actualy think about my ex and wonder is she thinks of me or if she ever realy cared I would have to in all honesty say she probably never thinks about me or remember any of the good that was in our lives. She decided to move on without me and is most likely a happier person now because of it.
At one time that hurt to think about it and feel less than a person for being thrown away like that. However time is a strange and good thing at times. The more time passes and the more I strive to be the best person I can be and do all the things I have dreamed about the less I think or even care about my ex.
I had no choice in her leaving but I do have a chioce on how the rest of my life turns out. I am now chasing all MY dreams down and will achieve every goal I set for myself and my future. So I too am lke you and thank my ex as well for setting me free and allowing me to be the bvest person I can be and allow me to chase all my dreams down and never settle again.
If we can learn from all this and turn the bad into a good then I think we can say we are winners. I dont dnt have close to all the answeres but I would say you and I both are on the right path.
I will tell you this though, the more you dream and the more you dare to chase those dreams the more you will forget or even care about your ex or what they are doing. Reach high and never stop chasing it until you have achieved the make you were shooting for, only you will cause yourself to fall short of your dreams at this stage of the game.
Re:nearly a year voxbox: Paddington - hi !
I'm new and just getting this all figured out. Your X sounds alot like mine.
I;m about to go through division of tangible assets and X is so needy emotionally -- no amount of stuff will ever quench his inner emptiness, I guess.
I lost the thread (I just registered) about your division query. The story of the print resonated. I just got venomous email from X about a print. Now he wants all my family heirlooms too. It IS just stuff but I need to emerge not feeling totally violated. Hope it all works out for you.
Vox
Re:nearly a year OldSchool: I've been detached from my situation for almost 2 years... and that will be some sort of anniversary thought, I'm sure. I think we use these anniversaries as barometers of our own self-growth or lack of. We're so hard on ourselves.. aren't we? I keep getting down on myself cause I haven't found a job closer to home, but I'm so happy with the people I work with. Why can't I go on more dates... the opportunities are there.. women even asking me out? Why can't I get her out of my mind for good. The question is easy... and as Galil touched on, we need time to totally recover. Time is the key, and as long as we are good to ourselves and start living again then we'll heal a little better.
The same things I've gotten down on myself before my breakup have still lingered. I need to spend more time with family, find a new job, go to church more, etc. Well, what about the things that I have done in the 2 years since, like making new friends.. going on vacations with friends.. actually going back to church again. I call my mom every Sunday now.
I guess to go along with everyone else, though I do occassionally wonder what my ex has done with her life. Is she still with the same guy she started seeing when we were still married? Are they married now? kids? Does her family think she's a loser? Well all I know is that mine still does. I guess that's all that matters. I did see my ex about 8 months after our divorce, and the first thing out of my mouth was " Hey is that you? I thought I'd never see YOU again!" That conversation lasted about 5 minutes tops... her stories of still trying to find herself and all that BS. I just laughed to myself... but like I felt before our final divorce... I just felt sorry for her in a way. She thinks she knows what she's doing..... totally clueless... totally! I learned a lot about people just from going thru this. People can try to impress you til their blue in the face, but if they're not happy with themselves then what's the point. What's with the whole fassade (sp?). In a marraige, why would you act like a complete imposile to someone else you're supposed to be in love with.
I do doubt whether she loved me the way I thought, but really she was capable of only what she can put forth. You guys, our spouses probably did love us the best they could in their minds, but the reality is what has transpired in the end of it all. Their version of love, wasn't enough to fill their need so they went elsewhere... or others here found it elsewhere. I was in it for the long haul. I know that in my next long-term relationship I'll put my money back on the table too. It may be a while from now, but it will happen someday. I do know that much... maybe I should print this out, so when I'm old and grey I'll have nobody to yell at but me. :-\
