A greeting and my crappy story Ezzy: Hello.
This is my first post as a member here. My first divorce too. I have only been married for 4 and a half years.
After being married for about 6 months, we moved to the states (his home town) to be closer to his family because his mom has cancer. Two years there and things were always hard.
Then I find out he's cheating on me.
I moved out.
He makes a big play for me to come back.
I decide that it's worth the effort. One more try.
So we move back to my home town (in Canada) in the hopes of sort of 'starting over'. My parents even help us out.
Now, two years later, I discover he's cheating on me again.
So the situation is this...
He's in the country with a visitors visa only.
He has no place to go in the states, and I no longer want any legal connection to him, including being financially responsible for him.
I have vacation time booked for may/june and we were supposed to take a trip to the states. I don't want to wait that long. I want him to leave now.
but because he has no where to go right now, we're still living together.
???
I haven't told anyone because currently I'm finding it really hard to deal with the humiliation. I mean, I believed him when he told me it was a one time thing and he wanted a second chance and here I am. . . .
And he was doing the chick in the apartment upstairs.
I've asked him to have no contact with her as long as he's still living here, but I know they are talking on IM all the time.
I guess that's the short version.
Any suggestions or advice would be appreciated.
Thanks.
Ezzy
Re:A greeting and my crappy story Lumpy: Hey Ezzy, sorry to hear your story but glad you've found this site. Lots O' friendly people with good advice. Sounds like your soon to be ex is a real cad. The only thing I can tell you is take care of yourself. Take that trip if you need to get away. Just make sure someone checks up on the house while your away! Also I'd advise confiding in at least one person in your life regardless of the embarassment. I don't know what I'd do without my mom and my best friend. You need support right now. Stay sane.
Re:A greeting and my crappy story picadilly: Welcome to Ojar, my fellow Canuck. :)
Lumpy, is so right on this. You need to keep your head on & talk to someone about this. Your parents maybe? a best friend? or look into seeing a therapist.
From all the posts of other people on Ojar, it seems like a theme that once a cheater, always a cheater. If they really meant to never do it again, they should have seen a marriage counsellor with you.
Keep posting here, the people on Ojar have kept me sane & grounded through out my seperation, I think we can keep you grounded too.
Peace & love to you. Keep the faith & be good to yourself.
Re:A greeting and my crappy story ChristyM: Hi Ezzy-
Welcome to Ojar. The best divorce site in the world --- well, the best one I've ever found....
I don't think you should be too hard on yourself regarding the cheating. Why feel humiliated? Because you loved him enough to give him another chance? Because you obviously believed in the sanctimony of marriage? Because you trusted the person that promised to love you and honor you for life? See my point? No humiliation is warranted here. You live and learn and at least you can always say you gave it your best shot and didn't just walk away when the going got tough.
You gave him the opportunity to get his crap together and he didn't. From now on, all decisions should be based on what YOU want with little regard to what HE wants or can handle right now.
Just my 2 cents.............
Christy
Re:A greeting and my crappy story Basset: Dear Ezzy,
I just want you to know that you are not alone and that there is nothing to be embarassed about. My husband spanked me and I wanted him back. :-\ . He probably cheated on me really bad causing me to be afraid of having HIV + and I think if I didn't have my boyfriend (a man I got after I was dumped), I would be hoping my husband would come back to me. It sure is embarassing but I just have to accept myself and my situation. I suggest you do the same.
By the way, I don't know what to say about your husband being financially dependent on you. I understand how you feel in regards to the issue. I thought my husband got PR status in Canada because I sponsored him as a husband. I really didn't want to be financially responsible for him! But later I learned that he was given PR status under humanitarian and compasionate - what a relief! So, I understand how you feel.
Basset
