Here comes the pain Lumpy: Yeearrghhhhh! I can't believe she's doing this! I get home from taking my daughter to dance class this evening to find my wife cooking dinner and talking on the phone to some "guy" she met on Friday. Whoops, referred to her as "wife" not stbx! Fruedian slip? Perhaps....Anyways this is not totally unheard of but the new twist is she's on the house phone. She has been chatting to a number of different guys on her cell for months now. Anyways about a half an hour after they get done talking the phone rings again. Guess who? I get to answer a call on our phone from the potential other man! Fun, fun, fun. :-[
He called her about three times in the span of an hour and a half. Apparently he's going through a divorce of his own and they're just "comparing notes". WTF is she trying to do? Why give him the number to the house? Is she trying to send a message or pushing buttons or what? Have'nt yet given up hope but I guess I'm just grasping at straws here....
Our situation is pretty wack. I'm not able to move out until June when my internship is up. We really stopped talking about the big D after counseling was done. The thing is I think our relationship has improved markedly during this time. We spend more time together,go on outings with the munchkins, and still have "marital relations". I know, I know, this is the big bug-a-boo but I'm not sure how to handle it. My whole game plan since counseling has been to be as friendly and as helpful as possible. Already laid it all on the line before and during counselling and it just seemed to strengthen her resolve. I feel like if she's still affectionate then it sends a potentially dangerous(for me) message. :-X
Numero uno I reveal another weakness to her. I'm trying to appear as blase as possible on the outside. I think one of her problems with me is her percieved inability of me to deal with adversity. Just not macho enough for her I guess. Numero two-o there's the possibilty that it accelerates her pusuing a relationship. Is this some sort of sick test? If it is, am I going to jump through hoops for her? :P
Wish I had a better understanding of what's going on here. Was she just drunk and didn't think about giving her cell number? Doubt it. If she really dug this guy it seems to me she would've gone that route. Maybe this is her way of communicating to me that nothing has changed on her end. The thing is I've given her no indication that I believe her resolve is weakening. ::) Just had to get that off my chest. Thanks for listening....Stay Sane.
Re:Here comes the pain bit pusher: Well fuck me running ... something doesn't smell right man.
[quote"> WTF is she trying to do? Why give him the number to the house? Is she trying to send a message or pushing buttons or what? Have'nt yet given up hope but I guess I'm just grasping at straws here....
[/quote">
I could think of a couple explanations here ... a) she's becoming blatant because she feels that it is safe and accepted now for her to be in the open with her extracurricular activities, or b) she's trying to twist a knife in your kidney.
Have you thought of asking her to be discreet if she's going to have those kinds of calls coming in?
[quote"> I feel like if she's still affectionate then it sends a potentially dangerous(for me) message.[/quote">
There's a very real possibility that she's using you for sex and to soften the blow of her leaving in her own mind, by still hanging on to some vestiges of the marriage?
[quote"> Numero uno I reveal another weakness to her. I'm trying to appear as blase as possible on the outside. I think one of her problems with me is her percieved inability of me to deal with adversity. Just not macho enough for her I guess.[/quote">
Fuck that. Be who you are. Beyond that, if you don't feel like keeping a facade up don't ... nobody's gonna have a problem with you if you reflect how you actually feel, and if they do they can eat sh*t.
[quote"> Numero two-o there's the possibilty that it accelerates her pusuing a relationship. Is this some sort of sick test? If it is, am I going to jump through hoops for her?[/quote">
Fuck that too. People who love and respect each other don't "test" each other in this fashion. People who love and respect themselves don't cave in to emotional blackmail or that rip-roarin' tactic of hurting someone to see how much they love you.
I don't know what the particulars of your housing arrangements are, but have you considered asking her to show a little respect and restraint in front of you? It'd be nice if she were grown up enough to do that ...
-bp
Re:Here comes the pain bkg:
I'm reading a book from Restore Ministries about saving a marriage (even after divorce).
One thing it bangs into your mind is this: Treat her with kindness and love. Allow her to leave, but let her know it's not what you want. Do not hold grudges, do not hold anger or frustration. Treat her with love, and a pure love at that.
She may be trying to move on, and that's fine (for her). It's awkward and painful for you, as it is for me as well. But treating her with love will do more for you, and for her, than anger or frustration.
I know it sucks... and it's not easy.
Re:Here comes the pain bit pusher: You're a more charitable man than I bkg ... it's nice that there are people like you in the world. Maybe it's a faith thing ... i dunno.
-bp
Re:Here comes the pain ChristyM: No, bp, it's not necessarily a faith thing and I can say I have a ton of faith and I can see where bkg is coming from, but I think you have to draw the line. Everyone deserves respect and Lumpy, you ain't getting it. I hate to tell you, but she will continue to take as much as you give and only you can allow it. Why should she act any different? She can have her cake and eat it too. I speak from experience here, you will only get hurt in the end.
Christy
*You are giving her the impression that you will have whatever type of relationship she is willing to have with you - is that truly what you want?
