Want to introduce myself and tell my story! Ryan_Clone: Been reading this board a couple weeks now, and have decided it is time to post.
My name is Ryan, and I would be considered the "bad guy" I married my ex wife in May of 1998, and the divorce was final Feb. 4, 2004. I got the signed stamped papers on my birthday. :( Only took 4 days from the time she first contacted a lawyer to the time we were legally divorced. (no real property and in Iowa you can waive 90 day waiting period)
Long story short, I had been chatting in a Yahoo chat room for about 3 years. I chatted and was online friends with a good number of people, both men and women. One night I decided to go to a chat function at a bar. While I was there I met a woman that I had talked with for those 3 years in the room. Something seem to click. I strayed on my ex wife for this woman, I lied to my ex wife for this woman, I lost the love of my life for this woman. I now know this woman was nothing but a fling. Too little too late.
I know what I did was wrong, and I know a lot of people say people cannot change. Well I WILL prove that wrong. I never want to go through the pain that I am going through now or the pain I've already gone through. I never want to put another person through that pain.
I'm sure since I am the cheater I will not be too welcomed here, but I would just like to volunteer myself as someone to talk to when you need to know what's in the mind of a cheater, or someone who can talk you out of it, if you are considering cheating. I would be more than happy to help teach with the terrible lessons I've learned.
Sometimes I also need to vent or cry. I miss my ex so much, but I know that I made my bed thus I must lie in it, so please folks give me a chance.
Ryan
Re:Want to introduce myself and tell my story! Bob-Bob: Hi Ryan...
Well... I was cheated on... by my wife... and I am not here to judge you man... I actually would rather welcome you to OJAR!!!
Sorry you are going through any pain... and although I am unfamiliar with all of the emotion you might be facing... I know the incredible emotions from the side of the person that was cheated on.... Have you tried therapy? I know I would have never made it through without it...
How does your ex feel about reconciliation?
Anywho... Welcome!!! and remember, you are here with as much reason as the rest of us...
Bob
Re:Want to introduce myself and tell my story! ChristyM: Welcome Ryan-
I am a "cheatee" so I can speak from personal experience here that I'm sure you greatly hurt your wife (now ex). HOWEVER, does that mean that you are a "bad person"? I don't think so. I want to make sure that you understand that most people on the board don't harbor ill will towards their ex b/c they cheated, but mostly b/c of the way they handled things before, during and after the affair. At least, that's how it was in my case. I might feel differently today if he hadn't done and said some of the things he did during our separation.
I give you kudos for having the balls to come on this site and offer up your experience. That can't have been easy. But it sounds like you also have suffered through the whole process. It also sounds like you learned some things from the mistakes you made. It's just unfortunate that the lesson came at such a huge price.
Please don't feel like you aren't welcome here. You've been through a divorce - that makes you an automatic member. We don't point fingers (well, maybe the middle one and in an upward position and directed towards my s2bx, but that's the only time ;)).
Christy
Re:Want to introduce myself and tell my story! incoherentlonghorn: Hey Ryan,
Welcome to OJAR. I am an unbiased soon to be divorcee as no cheating was involved, but the pain is apparent nonetheless.
I appreciate your honestly, it is commendable. Feel free to cry and vent whenever necessary. We all make mistakes, just pick your poison.
Take care of yourself.
Hang in there,
LL
Re:Want to introduce myself and tell my story! Lumpy: Welcome aboard Ryan Clone. Cheaters, cheatees, leavers, leavees, we're all just one big happy family. Hope posting helps you through this. Stay sane.
