broken record

broken record AMG: I feel like such a broken record. I sure you guys are tired of reading my posts rambling about how much i miss my ex and love him. I would like to thank everyone for all of their support and input. But, I am having a really rough go at this. I hurt so bad, and am in such shock that this has all happened. I thought he was the one I would be with for the rest of my life. It hurts so much to know that he has already moved on. That he could jump so quickly into a new relationship. Somebody else is holding my man. The thought just drains all my energy. And the, he doesnt even respect me enough to tell me the truth. He lies to me. I told him I thought he was afraid he was going to miss the opportunity to be with someone "better" than me and he denied it. He told me he wants to be with me. He told me he is so scared of losing me forever, yet he left out the part that he is f-ing someone else. I was so blind to him obviously. I thought we had an unbreakable bond. My friends tell me I need to love myself more and not spend any more time grieving over him. He is not worth it. I feel like no one understands. I love myself. But I loved him too, I put all my faith and trust in him and not only did he apparently not want it, he abused it. I hurt. I still love him and know that he is gone, it is not meant to be. I have to find a way somehow (which is even beyond my comprehension) to fall out of love with me. Yeah, hes off all happy and giddy in the newness of a relationship (which makes me sick) but I have a very broken heart. People say I just have to decide I wont be hurt by him anymore. Yeah, I wont be hurt by him anymore, but how do I deal with the hurt he is causing me right now. How can he care so little about me to do this to me. Yes, I am devestated he is with someone else, and that hurts...but to think he can lie to me just drives the nail in deeper. I dont understand how once you were together, and then you can treat the one you supposably care so much about like sh!t.  I know I have to walk through the pain, but god I dont even feel like i can stand up.

Re: broken record Lome: Huge Hugs!
I understand exactly how you feel....and I got the exact same advice.....
and I still have the exact same questions.....

I journal, I try to stay busy, and I pray.  Try to stop spending your time thinking of you. Instead, try to find joy daily.  Yeah, that sounds silly ---I know.
But, try to reinvent yourself....In my relationship, my husband was the center of my life.  Outside of a very demanding job, my every hour was spent either with him or doing something to make our lives better....Over 15 years, my hobbies seemed to diminish....Do not get me wrong, I loved my life.....
But when he was gone, I had nothing!
My social network was very small and I had nothing to do with my time.....
Which, only leads to more time to think of him....
Get busy!  Exercise, join clubs, go to church....anything!

Read Uncoupling if you want to know more of what is in his mind....but, he is NOT looking back right now...He is NOT feeling your pain!  So, please try not to poision yourself....

I know that is hard to grasp!  At 3 am when I am on the verge of tears and alone...and just so tired of trying to be positive and "normal"....I have to remember that my tears do not really matter to him, the physical ache in my heart is something that only I feel, and there is not a barometer to measure emotions....
Do mental exercises that focus on the positive...it is very Zen....and it sometimes works....count your blessings and pray....
Re: broken record AMG: I usually try to run and hide from pain. I have been doing my best to meet this head on. It has been a little over a month, and there for a few days I could see the faintest hint of "things will get better" even if it only happened for a second. But yesterday I just discovered he is probably with this girl ( I dont know for sure, but most likely he is). It brougth about a whole new level of pain. This last month was one of the hardest times of my life, and now it has even more weigth to it. Part of me wants to confront him, but I know it would be of no use, other then making an ass out of myself. Someday, if he ever takes the sweet time to contact me, then I will, but I dont want to seek him out.
I know things will be better on day. I know someday I will be able to look back and enjoy the memories. I know someday it wont hurt so bad. I know someday this terrible pain and yearning for him will be come bearable, but at the same time I dont believe it. Doesnt make sense I know. I get stuck on the he is gone forever. At this point even if i could be friends with him, i dont need a friend who could disrespect me like that. I cant belive this is how it is. Just like that in an instant...poof, hes gone forever.
Re: broken record sosad05: AMG...I understand your pain. I couldnt believe my xh found a new relationship so quickly I couldnt believe. after 14 years of being together, I could so easily be replaced.

[quote"> I thought he was the one I would be with for the rest of my life. It hurts so much to know that he has already moved on. That he could jump so quickly into a new relationship. Somebody else is holding my man. [/quote">

Completely understand. I even said to him in December, "dont you think its weird that my husband is living with another woman", he acted kind of shocked.  I think I was in denial about my feelings for a long time. I let everything roll of my back like I didnt care. But around the holidays it really hit me.  :'(

I try to not think about...somedays it works and others it doesnt. He definetely crosses my mind everyday.  How could he  not?? We have children together.  I try to make myself busy. I have my children in lots of activities, I go the the gym, I have formed a network of friends...etc. :)

I cant wait for the day that it doesnt bother me anymore. I cant wait to have a 24 hour period that he doesnt cross my thoughts.

I'm with ya!  :-*
Re: broken record IlliniGirl: AMG~

You aren't a broken record.  You are hurt.  There is nothing wrong with that.  You will come to a point in your divorce where it will stop bothering you.  It just takes time.

This whole thing is still SO fresh and new to you.  You will miss him and there will be times that it will be difficult.  You will bounce back and forth.  I bounced back and forth for over a year.  Now I don't bounce back and forth, but I still have issues that I am trying to work through, and we've been divorced for almost 2 years.  It happens.