Seen snkpack5: So I see your words and I hear your voice. How do I hear your voice? You don't speak to me. You don't see me. But it calls to me and I can't ignore it as much as I've tried to. And I follow you like a lost lamb searching for its way home, but you don't even see me. And I tried so hard to make you see me, but you don't. And the few times you looked my way, your gaze passed right through me. And I feel so raw. I want you to see me, damn you. Every last inch of me, every foible, every flaw, every talent, every smile. But you look at everyone but me and it breaks my impenetrable heart. And your words, the very part of you that drew me in, now pierce my soul. And I wanted you to see me but you don't. And I wanted you to see how you hurt me, but you didn't mean to. And I want to hate you, but I can't because you didn't even see me in the first place . . . And I want to be seen. I want to be seen. I want to be seen by you and loved by you and adored by you endlessly with abandon. But you don't see. You don't see. And I don't even try to make you see because I'm used to being invisible.
Re: Seen brokenbaby: :'(
Very intense words snk.
Re: Seen Irony: Hey Snack..
its the irony of love and relationships that can cause us to love and hate someone simultaneously...loving someone so much that you can hate them.
To feel invisible and to have an "impenetrable heart" yet wanting someone to penetrate that heart none the less.
To want someone to feel the hurt that they've caused us in hopes that by feeling it, it may melt their own impenetrable heart to us and our love.
We tend to steel ourselves, to avoid the risk of falling in love or staying in love or being in love, to lock out any further hurt, but that same process prevents us from getting the love we truly desire.
At certain stages of this process we all seem to be going through in our own ways, I've felt just like you.
I've tried to see things from her perspective, to pray that she would change.
It was very frustrating. Before I could expect anyone to love me, I had to learn to love myself!
What has evolved is that I recognized (better late than never I guess) that I was the only one that I could change, so I did. I had to let go of so many traits of the 'old me' and learn to live my life alone all over again. It's been since I've done those things that she has started to soften. The cold glacier of her heart has started to melt. I had to let go of silently pleading and begging her to change, for her to see me, to want me, so I struggled to release the past, forgive her, and become who I am, and let the chips fall where they may.
This doesn't always have the outcome we had hoped for in the beginning. We don't always get the ones we love to come back to us.. we don't always gain their love.
But what we can gain is so much more precious.. ourselves! It's only when we can let go of our old shell, to molt and leave ourselves room for our own personal growth, that we can emerge loving and lovable!
I think you're on the verge of a brand new day snack, and I'm glad for you.. It may not look like it to you yet, but you're so close.
Making the leap is difficult, and requires a lot of faith in yourself, and a bit of luck and the nerve to make that leap into a new you... better than the old you and ready and able to give and receive love.
It will be better than ever, but just maybe not today.
You're a winner and winners win!
iron man
Re: Seen Batman: Metaphorically speaking, sometimes people don't see because they are blind. 8)
I think we all agree that snkpack5 is beautiful.
Re: Seen snkpack5: Irony,
Thanks for your insightful words. I am working very hard to be someone who can stand alone ALL the time.
Batman,
Although I'm sure your heart was in the right place, I think you might have misunderstood my message. Thanks anyway.
