Guess I start here... mebears: I stumbled across this site today and it seems it's what I need. I'm not sure where to begin as my husband just told me yesterday that he was planning on separating from me. A little background info is needed I suppose....
This is my second marriage. I just turned 32 and have three kids. The two oldest belong to my first husband. We separated and divorced because I couldn't handle the lying and cheating anymore. I vowed I would never get caught up in things that way again. Then I met my current husband. He was 30, still lived at home, no kids, never been married and wasn't looking for anyone. We became friends and that turned into more. He swore when we first met that he would never marry because he didn't want to get a divorce. He eventually changed his mind, we married and had a child together. I quit work so I could stay at home and take care of my kids. I have been a SAHM (stay at home mom) now for 5 years.
I convinced my husband to go to college and get a degree in computers as that is his love. This past October he received his associate's degree and decided to continue on for his bachelor's. The original plan was that once he got his associate's I would return to college and finish my degree. I guess that flew out the window...
He works third shift and takes evening classes. We have one vehicle so I am at home most of the time. When we received our income taxes this year my husband wanted to get us cell phones...that's where the trouble started.
A few weeks ago, my mom came to town to have open heart surgery. The morning of her surgery when my alarm clock went off, he was just coming in the door. It was 4:30 in the morning. He walked in and his cell phone began to ring. (we had them less than a week) He stepped outside to take the call. When he came in I asked him who called and he said no one. I told him I heard the phone ring and new someone had called. He then tells me it was a wrong number. This got my curiousity going.
I managed to get him to give my the password to get into his online cell phone account and found that he had been making phone calls to someone all the time. In the five days we had the phones there were 21 calls made to and from this number. I confronted him and he would only tell me that it was a friend from work. I finally found out her name and that they have been talking alot lately.
There's a lot more involved here, but I will skip most of this so it's not so long. Yesterday I was looking through some receipts trying to find one I needed and found that he had went on my birthday and bought a card for her. So I began to snoop through his things and found a poem he had printed off the internet to give her and some apartment guide books. I confronted him once again. He finally told me that he wants to separate.
I have no car, no job, nothing and he is planning on leaving me. He says he won't leave me until I get a car, but I'm scared. I'm hurt. Sometimes I don't know what I'm thinking. I have cried til I can't cry anymore. I say that and then the tears begin to roll.
He says he's not leaving because of this other woman, but it's hard for me to accept that. We had very few problems before I found out about her (she is married also and in an physically abusive relationship) and now my world is crashing all around me.
He told her lies about me. I guess it's anything to make him look good in her eyes. He told me yesterday that he had told her quite a while ago that he planned on leaving me. I was totally in the dark.
I've begged him to go to counseling with me and he refuses. I know I can't make him love me and I have to accept his decision, but it's so hard and my heart is breaking.....I'm at a loss....where do I go from here....what do I do
If you read through all this, thank you
Re: Guess I start here... Lome: I am so sorry for you....
Huge hugs and prayers.....
Right now you will need to focus on your needs: emotional, physical, and monetary. so here is a list of things that you may just be too depressed to think on....
Start contacting government offices to discover can you qualify for displaced homemakers assistance/training...Contact your family and tell them everything...contact your ex-, he may be able to give you some additional help concerning the kids (a little loan or a bit more for food/necessities)
start making goals for yourself and family....join a church or club to start building a social network.....
on the business end....contact the bank and get all financial records for the last 5 years, contact all credit cards , and then do a google search on divorce laws for your state...
you will find that many of us have experienced similar situations....they are called exit affairs and quite often, the "loving" spouse is shocked to find out about any problems. He right now is on Fantasy Island and is just plain crazy in lust...do not trust him!
let us know if can help....
Sorry if I sound bossy today....I really only mean to help....but, cheaters just get me angry!
Good luck...and feel free to vent, post, anything that helps you get thru this...
Re: Guess I start here... Lumpy: I think Lome covered most of the bases. Talk to a Lawyer ASAP. Make sure that a support settlement is in place before he goes his merry way. You need to develop a plan regarding your education and future employment. You can do this without him. Try to realize that as Lome says, he's currently vacationing on Fantasy Island. Don't take him at his word. Just him telling you this is not about the OW should clue you to that. Take care of yourself and your babies.
