i think i just made a big mistake starzluv: i just sent my H this e-mail
N,
You told me that you wanted us to be friends. I don’t know how we will be able to stay friends. Right now I don’t feel like we are friends. Friends can talk to each other, and it’s very hard for me to talk to you. I’m always afraid I will say something that will make you mad, or cause you not to come over anymore. Friends are also there to comfort you. Well when I needed someone to lean on, no one was here for me. Not even you. When a friends sees you cry, they don’t just say don’t worry, and walk out the door. If you are my friend, then why do I still feel completely alone? If you are my friend, then why can’t you talk to me?
Throughout our marriage, we have always fought, but I always thought that was who we were. I always thought that the fighting was part of our passion. It seemed there were times that you or I would start a fight just so we could make up. I always thought we would make it though anything. But you just gave up on us. You make me feel like you think I MADE you marry me. But I didn’t. When we got married I gave you a chance to back out and you told me that you love me and want to marry me. You might not remember it but you did ask me 3 times before we actually married. It hurts so much that after all we went though, you can just walk away. I feel like an idiot, because I know where you are living, and I know who with even though you won’t admit it, and I still want you to come home. I know you are living with her because I did a reverse search of your address and her name came up. I just keep hoping it will end up being like in Arizona. You lived with Liz, and in the end we were together. I am stupid. I know you’ve cheated on me, more then once, and I still love you. I still want you. I still wish you would just come home. And I still cry every day because you left.
Of all people, my mom and S are hoping things work out and they both hope you will come back. You always thought that they hated you, when the truth is they didn’t. I guess I just can’t do anything right.
I never thought I was good enough for anyone especially you, now I know I was right.
She’s the one you want to be with. I guess she’s the one who makes you happy. I guess she’s the one you love. I guess you like spending time with her. She doesn’t embarrass you I guess. I know I have o let go but it’s so hard to let go of the one person you gave your heart to. But I have no choice you want her. So whenever you get the paper work done, I’ll sign and let you go. But just remember I love you so much.
I told you I couldn’t compete with her. You said I didn’t have to. I guess now I know why. You had already chosen her.
I love you. I just can’t compete.
Love Always
Your soon to be ex-wife,
R
now i wish i could unsend it, but with yahoo you don't have that option. everything i said in it is true and it's everything i wish i could say to him face to face but there has always been something keeping me from saying it. i don't want to let go of my marriage, but there's nothing else i can do. sometimes i wish i were a stonger person.
Re: i think i just made a big mistake 21218: i don't think you did anything wrong. it's hard to let go but it's high time to do so. don't regret sending it, you got to say everything you needed and wanted to say.
Re: i think i just made a big mistake PiscesGoddess: Starz~
You wish you could unsend it because you were finally honest with him and yourself. If you hadnt sent it than its easier to live in that fantasy world where this isnt really happening..and he's gonna come back and say he's sorry.
But what is wrong with being honest with the person you love? Thats what marriage is supposed to be..honesty. Your husband forgot that or never knew it in the first place. Telling him how you feel is the first step to healing..to stop allowing yourself to be a doormat for him to come wipe his feet on when he feels like it. You deserve so much better than his crumbs. You are the one that is going to have to figure that out..and accept it.
I think and Im only guessing here ..that there is a part of you that hopes he is going to respond and say none of those things are true..that he doesnt love her more etc? For your sake I wish he would :-\ but judging from his track record thats not going to be the result. :-\ :-\
Take sending this email as your first step on the road to recovery..you deserve so much better than to be 2nd, 3rd, or 4th best to anyone..especially your husband.
Just my 2 cents..
Pisces
Re: i think i just made a big mistake starzluv: thanks,
i think i'm afraid he will respond, but i think i'm more afraid that he won't. and i just wish i knew which one scares me more. more then likely he won't respond. he has never responded to anything i have ever written him. i wrote him on Valentines day about our son, and he never even acknowleged the e-mail. i ended up having to tell him 3 days later when he finally called. calling him is the one thing i try not do do. unless it's very important, or the kids ask me to. like earlier my son asked me to call him and see if he would bring over one of the harry potter movies, so i called asked, and hung up. i made it as short as i could.
Re: i think i just made a big mistake sadgirl951: When the bomb dropped I was crushed. I realized I wanted to make it work. I sent him a similar email a month after it all happened. Telling him that we can't be friends, because we were once husband and wife, asking why is he happier w/someone else, and that it's hard to let go. He never responded back. He called telling me that he does care for me but that it just won't work. Whatever that means.
After a back and forth pull(on his part) for a few months(even recently), I realized, what I'm doing? I am holding onto something that will never be. So I let it go. Then I realized that I started the papers cuz he told me to, so I stopped. I told him, you want this so bad, you finish it. So now I'm focusing on school and family. Trying to regain my friends. And now I can't wait until it's all over.
It is hard to realize you had this love for someone and now they don't love you anymore. It's like an emptiness left in your heart. Just fill that void with love for yourself. It will get better and things will change for the better. Just try your best to gain your inner strength.
Hugs to you.
That's my lil ol advice. I hope it helps.
Take care,
LONA
