Emotionally Labile
Everytime I do, though I start crying within a few minutes and either have to excuse myself immediately so as not to be seen or just let the tears fall in front of people. I have been able to tell strangers when they ask if I am married that "no, I am divorced" without an emotional meltdown.
When my family or friends ask how I am doing with the situation or any questions beyond that, I choke up and can't respond without crying. This either leads to a minimized answer of "I'm fine" or "it sucks" or something else I can spit out before choking up or a meltdown.
I fear this is a permanent state of being and don't know what to do about it. I know I need counseling. I was in counseling for quite awhile a few months into this, but she wasn't very effective and I got frustrated and quit. I tend to be a wallower, though....I know that about myself. I have a long history of depression and have to work really hard to move past things.
I suffered a huge, life altering tragedy in my life about 8 years ago for which I did receive counseling from an excellent therapist (who is now retired) and believe I have effectively put it behind me. However, I'm wondering if that has caused me to be permanently emotionally labile and now this frequent and inappropriate crying is something I will just have to deal with forever.
Any thoughts or personal experience with this?
Re: Emotionally Labile nrsgirl: My first question when I read your post is does she cry at home when shes alone? Like, to really let it out? So that perhaps it might take the sting away from when you are asked about it. Also two small suggestions from my experience in the months after my ex left me with nightmare life behind him. First thing I would do is say oh, ok or whatever and would immediately follow that with asking them how is so-and-so, or how are things with you, or whatever. Any question which immediately redirects focus away from you and back onto them. Besides people love to talk about themselves or their kids or whatever....that quick change of subject I used MANY times when people would ask me about my ex, who was the LAST thing I ever wanted to be asked about. I would literally cringe inside every time I got asked about him. I even avoided some family social events in the first few months because I just DID NOT want to be asked about him. I would literally get red in the face and feel myself squirm, thats how awfully I used to react. Also, be sure to let yourself thrash and scream in privacy, to let the emotions flow--outward. Release them in the safety of your home or bed pillow or whatever, just so they are being released. I threw things, slammed my fists on tables, threw things at the cat (always missed) screamed at the walls, curled up in the fetal position on the floor by my bed, screaming, etc. The point is I needed to do that. So that I didn't lodge it all up inside me. I know you can heal and that things will get better. They really will. And go easy on yourself. We tend to be harder on ourselves than we need to be.
Re: Emotionally Labile brokenbaby: Letting your emotions flow freely out of you when you are at home can be an enormous help in this healing process. Holding any of it in will just hurt you later. Nrsgirl gave some great suggestions. I've had to beat my bed with a pillow and scream until I couldnt breathe at times just to get it out.
I would also suggest that you find a counselor you can work with. It would only benefit you to talk to someone and have them help you understand what you are going through.
Re: Emotionally Labile sylvia3113: Thanks for the suggestions!
In the beginning, I would cry uncontrollably at home. All day, every day. I would collapse in a heap in the bottom of the shower and sob. Lately, I still cry, but not as hard and not as much. Usually in the car and for short spurts. I cry easily when I think about it, but now I also cry easily when I think of other topics, like something bad happening to my dogs.
I do have the art of avoidance down to a science. That is how I have been able to avoid disclosing this to co-workers for so long. Whenever a topic came up that was headed in that direction, I split. When a direct question came up, I was a pro at answering it honestly but without giving away any information and quickly turning it around on the other person.
I've been trying to get in with a counseling agency recommended to me (anonymously) by my eap at work, but we're playing a phone game of.....the intake worker NEVER answers her phone and I NEVER leave a message. Stupid, I know. Definitely ineffective. :-\
Re: Emotionally Labile sheeps: I agree that "release" of the pent up anguish and pain can be helpful. I find that over a period of days, my pain builds up and the pressure in my chest gets unbearable. At that point I hide from my kids and simply fall apart for a few minutes.
Inevitably, I ask "why me? what did I do to deserve this?". I need to fully accept that she did what she did because of her issues, not mine. I didn't deserve what I got. But I got it anyway.
My tragedy is much fresher than yours, but it seems we may be in the same place, emotionally. I have just coasted through today, feeling miserable. But, I need to face facts...I am destroying myself. She did what she did and has moved on. I'm the one hurting me now.
For me, the only thing that takes away the pain, at least temporarily, is Scotch. Thank Heaven for the wee lads over there.
Pray for peace and it will happen.
-R
