How to trust again?
Re:How to trust again? picadilly: Marriage couselling & his recommitment to the marriage. Sometime you go through really hard spots in your marriage before things can really bloom. Sometimes. You may need to take some therapy yourself to deal with the trust issues if your still interested in working it out. It will not be easy, lord know this whole thing is not easy. But you have to have faith that it will work out for the best, one way or the other.
Has he ever lied to you before, any other small issues that you can remember? If he has & you have caught him in other "white lies" this could be a bad bad sign. I don't know what I can say to help in this case, all I can do is lend support & strength.
Stand tall, you have done nothing wrong, there is nothing wrong with you or what you have done in the marriage. This is ultimately about your husbands selfishness & stupidity.
PS: please please make sure he gets cleared by some medical tests before you have relations with him again. Just to be safe, if he is truly sorry, he will do them willingly.
Re:How to trust again? bkg: [quote author=picadilly link=board=1;threadid=2665;start=0#msg22586 date=1081993225">
Marriage couselling & his recommitment to the marriage. Sometime you go through really hard spots in your marriage before things can really bloom. Sometimes. You may need to take some therapy yourself to deal with the trust issues if your still interested in working it out. It will not be easy, lord know this whole thing is not easy. But you have to have faith that it will work out for the best, one way or the other.
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Very wise words from Pic.
My ex told me a story about trust one time: Trust is like two buckets of water. When you meet someone, each bucket is 1/2 full; you don't trust, nor do you not trust. Over time, each bucket fills as trust grows. It takes time to fill the buckets, but only a moment to completely empty them. Once that happens, you have less than you started with, and the process of filling them begins.
I firmly believe that infidelity can be forgiven and a marriage can survive and blossem. Right now it's hard, and I can't imagine what you are going through. However, none of us is perfect, and we all f'up. I'm not defending this action at all, but this too is forgivable!
Re:How to trust again? hopesprings: Hi BrokenHearted,
I'm really sorry to hear about all you've been through. It must be really rough. Hang in there. Something to think about:
"When you trust someone, you recognize them as a representative of divine energy. You see them in the highest light possible, knowing that no matter what they may do, it does not change who they are at the core of their being. "
"When you put your trust in someone it means that you expect them to do what they say they will do, which is usually something that you should be doing for yourself. Trusting in someone usually means that there is something they have that you believe you need, or something you have that you believe they can take away to cause you harm. You place your reliance on words or promised action rather than then Divine. Knowing full well that human beingas are subject to do many things and anything in reponse to their internal fear, guilt, or shame, why do we place our trust in one another? Why? Because we forget to invoke the Divine presence in all circumstances. Even when we do invoke the Divine and our trust is betrayed, we blame the human being rather than embracing the experience as a lesson of the Divine."
I hope that's somehow food for thought while you're trying to work through things. Personally, I think there is always hope if two people love each other. I hope things work out for you.
Good luck.
PS The quotes are from One Day My Soul Just Opened Up by Iyanla Vanzant (pp. 32-33).
Re:How to trust again? ChrisJane: Trust is a hard thing to gain back. It will take a lot of work and talking on both sides.
He admitted to the affair, that was the first step. He realized his marriage was more important, that was the next. Most men don't admit let alone chose the wife over the affair.
Keep the linesof communication open.
Good luck!
