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Getting a Divorce and Having Sex

Getting a Divorce and Having Sex rocket101: Is it really bad that my wife and I are getting a divorce and are still having sex? We've come to a place where our marriage now longer brings out the best in one another, and at times, it bring out the worst. We've had about six months of counseling and cannot seem to find a way to make the marriage work. We're getting a divorce.

Although it's difficult to pin point reasons why the marriage isn't working. It's easy to see we are unhappy. Neither one of us have hard feelings towards one another, and it's been a few weeks since we decided it is time. We are also having sex with one another while we figure out the dissolution.

I don't think it's bad, but is it? This is my first time getting a divorce.

2be: Welcome and sorry to hear what you are going through.  Divorce is never easy, though it is good you two are being amicable about the situation.  As to your question, I'm not sure you're going to get definitive answers.  What feels right for you?

My situation was so different... my X and I hadn't been intimate in like 8 months before we decided and our intimacy problems were part of the issue.  This is just my opinion, so take it as you will: Sex for me is so much more than just sex, so I couldn't just have sex with a woman whom I'm splitting from.  But like I said... my situation was different... she caused so much hurt with her cheating and other issues, I don't think I COULD be intimate with her.

But if you two are able to do still be intimate, then by all means do what you want to do.  Again, welcome and keep posting... this place is full of widsom.

 Bea: I personally wouldn't be able to do it. Sex is intimate, you share it with someone special (well... let's put one night stands aside for a while). I think sex is what only a couple shares and if the love or the understanding are gone, then what's left? Emptiness, holding on to someone physically while feelings are dying. Kinda sad.

Also, in my opinion, sex during divorce is one of the most dangerous things you can expose yourself to. But what do I know? It didn't happen to me. I did, however, want to sleep with my EX for one last night the day before we signed the separation agreement. I was looking for intimacy to try to deny something was going on. It never happened and I'm glad it didn't. The emotional burden would've been too much.

Sorry you had to end up here, though. Pay attention to the boards, you learn a lot from people here.
 newts: I think having sex with a ex is fine as long as there is boundaries and the want of getting back together is over. Both parties must be ready to accept that either one could and will move on and when that happens that will really test the true feelings of this relationship.

It can be very dangerous sometimes so be careful.
 sudboy: [quote author=trapped link=topic=27923.msg271832#msg271832 date=1145494311">
Also consider they could be having sex with someone else or even more than one other person.  Who's to say?

So the one you once trusted and may not have used "protection" with b.c they were your spouse may need to be considered risky, in that sense, as well.

This really is the scary part.  Basically anytime you feel like getting it on with your STBX, keep in mind that you're sleeping (by proxy) with anyone else she's potentially been boinking.


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