getting back together or moving on?

getting back together or moving on? inebr2000: I've been divorced for 2.5 years. My husband left the relationship because he wasn't ready for the committment. We were very much in love with one another. I don't know if that makes sense, but I never doubted his love for me or the love we shared. His actions hurt me tremendously and I felt betrayed by the actions that stemmed from his fear of committment.

I moved over 1500 miles away to start a new career. For the first 2 years after divorce we remained very good friends and spent a lot of time visiting and travelling together. Just recently, within the last 4 months, our friendship stopped because he was dating someone. I stopped our friendship because I realized I was not being a friend, but actually waiting for him to come back.  His dating made me realize that.

In these last four months I've realized I had to move on with my life and have been dating quite a bit. Recently, I've met someone I think is really great. We've been on 5 dates and I find him to be such a great guy. I feel very close to being in love with him.

This weekend my ex emailed me the letter I had waited for -- professing his love and how he's realized what we have and how I've been the most important and influential thing in his life ...and wanting to get back together, to share a life together and have a family.  He says that dating someone that he liked very much made him realize that it was only me he could see sharing his life and having a family with.

I'm in a difficult position. I know that my ex and I have a history, had a true love, and now he wants to make it work.  He says he's willing to move to where I am to make it work.  This new person I'm dating has been great from the start, he's treated me well from the beginning, yet we're not in love (yet) and there are many question marks in what type, of any future we might have together since the relationship is only about 1.5 months old.

I feel fortunate to be in this situation, I never thought I would be at a point like this in my life, but also scared of making the right decision. I will always wonder how the other road would have been. How would you approach making this decision? What would you do?
Re: getting back together or moving on? chaotic: You know I hate to rain on your parade, but take a look at some posts on this board.  It is full of "he / she said they want me back" and "he / she seems like a totally different person".  I dont mean to sound negative, but ask yourself if you truly feel that your relationship can be repaired COMPLETELY.  This is important, because unless it can be, there will always be a doubt or trouble.  For a long time, I wanted nothing more than to have my STBXW back.  After realizing that the my trust in her had been broken beyond repair, I knew it could never work.

If you do decide to let your x back, be sure you are doing it for the right reasons.  Dont do it because you feel lonely, or  feel sorry for them.  If you do you are only asking for more hurt.

These are just my thoughts on the whole thing.  Your mileage may vary.  Which ever direction you go....Good Luck.
 Re: getting back together or moving on? Older Guy: Wise words !

[quote author=chaotic link=topic=29031.msg282037#msg282037 date=1147815859">
You know I hate to rain on your parade, but take a look at some posts on this board.  It is full of "he / she said they want me back" and "he / she seems like a totally different person".  I dont mean to sound negative, but ask yourself if you truly feel that your relationship can be repaired COMPLETELY.  This is important, because unless it can be, there will always be a doubt or trouble.  For a long time, I wanted nothing more than to have my STBXW back.  After realizing that the my trust in her had been broken beyond repair, I knew it could never work.

If you do decide to let your x back, be sure you are doing it for the right reasons.  Dont do it because you feel lonely, or  feel sorry for them.  If you do you are only asking for more hurt.

These are just my thoughts on the whole thing.  Your mileage may vary.  Which ever direction you go....Good Luck.
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 Re: getting back together or moving on? MikeB: ...only one thing I can add:

If you take your x back, be sure not to see this as continuing an old relationship but starting a new one... with the old strengths and without the old mistakes and faults... otherwise you both might drift off into the old routine and old bad habits (if there were any..)

Whatever you do, I hope it'll make you happy.
take care,
-Mike
 Re: getting back together or moving on? thehitekrednek: I'm trying to repair my marriage now, I agree with MikeB, it has to be a new relationship. It has to be for the reasons that you first got together, and you can't fall into the rut again. I have been dating my axw(almost ex wife) for about 3 weeks. I would like to date her for the rest of my life, routine got in the way the first time and then the trouble began. We have some huge issues to work out, but for now, the dating part is awesome.

Be true to yourself first, don't push anything, and enjoy each other. If it doesn't work out, no one can say you didn't try.
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