seperated confused1: well, it's been a LONG time since i posted here..but thought I'd throw this out there.
My wife and I decided to separate the other day after several years of trying to work things out only to repeat our patterns of destruction(she refuses counseling). She's been gone almost a week. We are not fighting, I get to see our kids when I want so that's going ok.
The thing I'm struggling with is that she say's she misses me...but I don't miss her..I miss the hell out of the kids, but not her really...
What I mean by not missing her, is this...
I don't miss coming home to a house full of marital tension
I don't miss talking, sharing, communicating with her, because we never did that b4.
I don't miss holding, hugging, kissing, joking with, crying with, lauging with her because that's not something we did b4..I wanted our marriage to be that way, but she choose not to do any of these things.
She says she misses me, but how can she? how can someone miss being with someone else when there's nothing there between them?
Re: seperated notmyself: she may miss the comfort you offered her just by physically being there. my marriage sounds alot like your brief description, but i still missed him at first too.
Re: seperated achingallover: Beyond that, maybe she misses the idea that there is someone there. Even though it sounds like you guys didn't have such a great time of it the past couple years, you still "had her back", ya know? She probably knew, if the chips were down, she had you. That's a hard realization to have - that this person whom you loved so very much no longer has your back. Also, she's probably missing the dream of what she wanted you all to be together. Even through all the dysfunction, she probably still had a picture of your future together. That's really hard to let go. And then there are remembering some of the good times you all had. That's hard to let go to - the nostalgia of it all. What could have been. These are just guesses at what might be going on here. Hope it helps. I am glad you are doing better, though.
Re: seperated confused1: well, we've been seperated for almost 2 weeks now..and still very little talking about the marriage..not sure why..maybe because to afraid, seperation is to new at this point..
anyway, the little talking we have done really isn't accomplishing anything...she still refused to talk in depth. just admits that she wants to change..i'm not sure she is capable..counseling has failed..and at this point, refuses to go back..even though when she asked what do I want to do, i have stated 'we need to go back and give counseling a try'...
should i go as so far as to issue an ultimatum that our marriage is over unless we go back to counseling?
Re: seperated achingallover: "should i go as so far as to issue an ultimatum that our marriage is over unless we go back to counseling? "
What do you want to do here? What is your gut telling you to do? It sounds to me like you can't be in this relationship the way it is, so changes need to be made. How do you plan on making those changes?
Steph
