Just my thoughts.. blue_eyes: Ok....I'm not sure what my specific issue is so I'll just start jabbering....
Lately I have been becoming quite depressed and hopeless. I pride myself on being optimistic and hopeful but that has not been the case the past week or so at least. I guess I am sad that I'm stuck again, alone and don't like it. I want to believe that there is "someone" for me somewhere outthere but I have my doubts.
I am using an online dating thing. In fact I just met a really nice guy, (the first one since my exbf dumped me when I revealed my feelings for him), but this nice guy...unfortunately I don't think I am attracted to him. Neither of us did the pic thing before meeting. I kind of like it that way because then I know the person I am meeting is not shallow. I think I will see this guy again, but I don't think "it's" there for me, I"m not sure about him. One question is... How can I let him know I want to be friends and hang out but not lovers????
Okay here is another issue for me...another question...Do any of you have "special needs" children and how do you deal with that and singlehood. I stopped telling potentials that my son had issues until at least a second date. Since I made this policy I haven't got to any second dates but I know that time is coming. I don't want to someone to feel that I am being less than honest but I just decided that I shouldn't bring it up until it's relevant to them and I don't want them or me wandering if it didn't work because of my kid or was is really just not "there"?
3rd question...Where are all these people that are getting married meeting their spouses?? I would love to do a pole from the wedding ads and find out. Could someone please assure me that it's only a matter of time before I meet someone else??? I read somewhere the other day that after divorce, usually single women remarry within 3 yrs, does this sound accurate to anyone?????
Thanks in advance for putting up with this pathetic post and for any feedback anyone has time to give.
Re:Just my thoughts.. justmenow: Oh blue_eyes, I feel for you... I can't seem to pick myself up out of this slump either, but you are not alone in your thoughts. It's eerie how similar some of your questions are to some I have. I find myself listening intently to couples when they're talking about how they met. Hardly anyone I know ever met on a dating site... One married her next door neighbor, one met a guy at a concert, the list goes on. With everybody, though, it was either through friends or shared activities, etc. The 2-3 year theory seems to be about right, but I know a few where it was longer. I don't think there's any set time...I suppose it's a factor of who you are and how much you put yourself out there.
Much as I hate to admit it, I need to be alone for a while to get my act together. I love sharing my life with someone, but I don't think I'd be a very effective partner right now. If it's supposed to happen, I just have to have faith that it will. Good luck. PM me if you just feel like venting sometime.
Re:Just my thoughts.. JimB: Not so pathetic....
1. Just tell him. He can handle it. If he can't, guess you won't be friends. Oh well - lotsa nice guys out there who'll be your friend. (Really.)
2. Any personal information about me that I considered "sensitive" would be left out of conversation until I was specifically asked. If specifically asked, I would tell the truth. But that's just me, of course.
3. Not sure where "all these people who are getting married" are meeting their spouses, but I can almost guarantee that very few of them were looking for a spouse when they met. We all have to crawl before we can walk.
Re:Just my thoughts.. ostia: [quote author=JimB link=board=6;threadid=3027;start=0#msg24606 date=1085456268">
Not sure where "all these people who are getting married" are meeting their spouses, but I can almost guarantee that very few of them were looking for a spouse when they met. We all have to crawl before we can walk.
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Not quite sure I agree with this...I think a lot of people are specifically looking for a spouse in the sense that they know they want to get married/find someone they can make a lifetime commitment to.
HOWEVER, there's a big difference between having that thought in the back of your head as you're getting to know someone, as opposed to grilling them to detremine if they're spouse material on your first, second, tenth, or fortieth date.
By definition, you can't know whether or not some one is a person you'd want to spend the rest of your life with until you know them very well...and you can't know someone very well until you spend a lot of time with them. That's why I think it's absurd that people start worrying about this issue so early in relationships.
I mean, maybe it might make sense to determine whether or not there are any huge dealbreaker issues a few months into a relationship if the relationship seems like it might have some real promise...for example, if you absolutely do not want kids, you might want to find if the person you're seeing has always dreamed of having a family...but you can find out that kind of thing subtlely, without giving the person the third degree.
Just my 2 cents....
Re:Just my thoughts.. blue_eyes: Thanks guys for all of your "sense". I appreciate others perspectives so much!
