I keep waking up thinking about her and can't go back to sleep
I keep waking up thinking about her and can't go back to sleep sneaker: I feel so bad this morning. It happens almost every day. I take pills to go to sleep otherwise I would just remain in bed thinking. It works well, I fall asleep and then I always wake up between 5 and 6 am thinking about her. It's a nightmare in reverse. Instead of waking up thinking 'thank god it was just a dream', it's 'oh god, this is reality, the nightmare IS my life'. Then , my heart starts pounding and I feel so sad. I can't go back to sleep even if I know I need to because when I'm tired I get very depressed. I get nostalgic and feel like crying. I'm all alone and it's to early to call anyone. So I'm here now.
Two weeks ago, I woke up three times dreaming I was making love to her. It feels like my mind is playing the cruelest joke on me. I miss her so much.
For those of you who are starting to know my situation, Sunday when I dropped off our daughter at her place, she didn't even daid a word about father's day. I told her she should've at least mentionned it.
And tonight she's going to her Salsa class with a partner and it makes harder to know she's outhere as if I never existed. Today will be a hard one. And to think I'll see her at 4, when she brings our daughter to my place. She gets angry so easily around me these days I don't know what to do. And when she does, I just keep cool. I don't raise my voice like I used to and I'm afraid she sees this as weekness from my part or that she now has control over me.
Anyway, I think I can call someone now. But I know I'll be back soon.
ChiefWiggum: Stop doing things that are painful. Laying in bed at 5am hurts, don't do it. Take a shower and get your day started. Besides, the earlier you get up the earlier you can go to bed. For me the worst times were at night at home so I rearranged my schedule so I would not be at home at night unless I was sleeping. I used Nyquil to get myself to sleep.
It's real hard... I lost 38lbs, when I kicked him out took a whole 3 months, that was because my body was on over load... I cried everywhere, even in the grocery store... Let me tell you I still ahven't stopped... I have been on this site since September 05... I still cry for him... and wish I was next to him at night or in the morning, we really never had much time together....
He was so funny when we were together he was my everything and now thta I have realized I just don't want to hurt anymore, and I have or am trying to move on... He wants to try again...
There is just so much bad to over come, and lies and deceit, that I am not sure when he means something or he is just playing me!
I feel guilty that I didn't just try one more time... I am scared to try, I wonder how long it will take this time for him to hurt me again...
And now I feel guilty because the man I am with now, is head over heals, and treats me like a princess a godess, He puts me so high on that peddistal that I am afraid I will fall... He knows I don't love him the way he wants me too and he tells me he hopes one day I will love him the way I did my STBX, I tell him I hope I love him that much more. But what am I to do... I am confused and I shouldn't be!
I am sorry you are hurting so much but it does get easier, the sleeping pills help, but they just help, thats all... They don't take away the pain.
What happened, did she cheat on you, what is she doing now, what about custody and what about your home? have you gone through lawyers yet?
And the other thing just like Cheif is saying, get out do things, try to find things you didn't do with her, and spend as much time with your daughter as possible!
sneaker: I also lost weight because I stopped eating (15 lbs) in 12 days. I'm pretty athletic, but I had gained weight in the last year (that happens when you're going through a burnout). But now I'm back to my original weight, I'm eating better (no fat, no sugar, no alccol - that's the hard part ;)). One thing I need is to sleep better. I'm afraid to go to bed. So I stay up late, or I go to bed early only when I have family around.
Last night I did go out to a friend's place to watch the hockey game, but I was getting tired and my bad thoughts starting haunting me (ex. she's has someone in her life, he's probably with her now, etc.). I know I'm doing this to myself. But those thoughts are hard to get rid of.
No Feel, she didn't cheat on me (Geez, I hope not! But I doubt it - I trusted her on that and we were always together). She left because she didn't love anymore (you can see my first post where I explain it). We agreed for joint custody and now she wants money from the house. She intitled to her share of the profit if we sell it and I'm fine with that. But she also wants half of the down paiment I gave and half the money my father lent me. She's not being realistic about what she will eventually get. SHe needs the money to pay for the condo her father bought. Anyway, it's gonna be hell when I tell her that it will be impossible to give all she expects. Wich will push us even farter apart.
I really don't understand her attitude, she's mean and angry. And I still want her back.
My heart goes out to you brother. Your story sounds way to familiar. What I have found both through my own observations and advice from friends and on here is this. She is nasty and angry with you because she wants to feel justified in her decision. If there is no one reason for the split up, the "I love you but I'm not in love with you" line is a cop out. The bottom line is that she probably has no clear cut reason for why she left. Mine left to "find her happiness". The point I am trying to make is she is using the anger and bitterness as a defense mechanism. Believe it or not she probably has times when what she did just eats her alive, and she hurts and cries. But she is never going to let you know that. Hence her attitude. She's trying to stay strong in front of you. She wants to show you that she can do it on her own. Just a little piece of advice, if she is purposely trying to make you feel bad, for no reason other than her selfishness, then maybe she's no longer the woman you fell in love with. Do things for yourself right now. I know it hurts, it feels like your life has been stripped of you. But eventually, it will get better, even if it's just a bit. And then you will experience anger (or atleast I did), and one minute you'll want to ring her neck and the next you'll be mad at yourself for even thinking that way about the woman you love. Take the time and build the bond with your kid. Stay busy. I wish you best of luck. I apologize if some of this sounded harsh, but it's all a reality check.