New realationship brynne: Ok, need some advice, here it goes:
I have been divorced for 6 months, started dating casually right after divorce. But nothing serious, just a few dates here & there.
Then I met this guy I was really attraced to, we had only been out a few times when we had sex (that is really not me to have sex w/out knowing someone really well first). I blamed it on the "wild, crazy, newly-single divorced woman syndrome" (a term I came up w/ to describe the new me). But that ended farily quickly as we really didn't have enough in comon & he was a few years younger than me.
Then I met this really great guy that my friend set me up with. We initially took it slowly & have just recently began seeing each other on a regular basis & our relationship is starting to move forward. He's a true gentleman, opens car doors, etc., has my favorite bottle of wine in his refridgerator, took me to the Jimmy Buffet concert, etc...he's one you don't let get away, a true "keeper".
So, my question is, how do you know when it's right to have sex w/ someone that you are dating ? We have spent the night together on several occassions, but no sex (my decision). We really like each other & have est. that & I see relationship potential w/ this person. I just don't want to rush things or take too long...but i know women get attached emotionally from sex, so I think that's what is scaring me a little.
He's told me that we can take things slowly & we're on "my time frame, not his."
Please don't say I'll know when the timing is right...b/c I really don't ! I really like this guy & don't want to ruin things between us !
Sorry to bore you w/ my sex life...thanks for any advice you can give,
Hope
Re:New realationship Spectrum: Ok, my personal opinion for this situation, with the understanding that you have been out with this guy several times, like him, etc. is, "Screw the right time, do it when you WANT it."
Yeah, so let's be realistic here.... you're not a virgin, this isn't your first guy since the divorce.... there isn't some big mental barrier here, other than the fact that you don't want to move too fast.
I would say whenever you feel comfortable enough with the guy to WANT to have sex, then go for it! And if you're saying to yourself, "Hey, I don't really FEEL like I want it," well then, you've got some thinking to do, haven't you?
If you are thinking you don't want it, that leaves two basic reasons: either you guys aren't getting on with the foreplay enough to WANT it, or you just don't want the guy period.
This is probably TMI, but if you're getting hot and heavy with this guy during your overnights, and you're finding yourself dizzy and gasping, saying, "No, wait..... we really shouldn't be doing this.... YES, YES.... er, no WAIT, I meant NO.... YES.... YES.... NO....." then that would be a good time to say, "Well, all right, buddy, you know I want it, I know I want it, let's just do this thang." On the other hand, if there isn't any foreplay going on, or if there is and you are finding yourself thinking, "Hmm, yeah, this is nice, okay..... Nah, I don't feel like it just now" then you have an entirely different situation.
So which is it?
Spectrum.
Re:New realationship brynne: Thanks for the advice Spectrum.
Well it's the first situation, things are getting out of hand on the overnights & I would stop it b/c I didn't know if timing was right.
But, this weekend I just went for "IT" !! YOO HOO...& so glad I did, well worth the wait.
I think the problem was our realationship was very causual, going out once a week or so, not calling each other all the time or anything. Then in the last few weeks or so, we have gotten to a new comfort level w/ each other & it's taking a more serious turn (which I am fine with). We talk more often, spent most of this weekend together.
I guess I just wanted to make sure there was a realationship building & we weren't just casually dating...ya know, long-term potential.
So thanks for the girl talk & helping me thru :)
Hope
