OK, I'm in my angry phase now JustMe: So, I called up my stbx about what's going on with the house. We both agreed to sell it and she wanted to find the realtor to sell it.
As background, she previously drained the joint banking account down to 81 cents on Mother's day (the day I left when she hit me during a "how do we make our marriage better" talk) to pay the June mortgage pmt. She also took about a 1/3 of my last paycheck that was direct deposited before my company would let me change that.
Basically, just looking at the bank withdrawals she has enough cash to make two mortgage payments on a 625K house (so it's quite a bit). It doesn't include her full-time earnings as a surgical nurse.
So with all that background, I call her and she lets me know that she doesn't have enough money to pay the June mortgage payment that's in both of our names.
She's going to let the house go into foreclosure because "she has nothing to lose". She basically wants me to rush a cashiers check to her across town to her. She closed the joint checking account, against my wishes. I felt it could be used for joint expenses like this.
I'M SO MAD I FEEL LIKE BOOTING HER!! >:(
If she can't make the mortgage payment with twice that amount in cash that she withdrew, then she shouldn't be in the house. I'm the one who has to move around like a vagabond by sleeping on couches, staying with friends, and moving my sh*t around in my car like some freaking homeless person.
I'M MAD AS HELL!!! I don't know what she spent all that money on, but with OJAR as my witness, but she's not spending my money like this.
Her father owns 3 houses, not including his own, and two are vacant. She still has her own room in the family house. SHE'S GOT RENT FREE/UTILITY FREE PLACES TO GO, SO GO AND STOP MAKING MY LIFE A LIVING HELL!
In fact, if any of you are in the same spot, I'd recommend calling your mortgage company, tell them you're going through a divorce and send the payment directly to them.
In my case, I have to consider any money I send to her as money to be squandered.
I don't know if I feel better, but at least I got it out.
Re:OK, I'm in my angry phase now barelybreathing: I think you need to get some temporary orders in place. Requesting the Court grant you repossession of the house until you two can fairly divide it through a sale or buy out.
Doesn't seem right.
BB
Re:OK, I'm in my angry phase now Lumpy: Barely Breathing is absolutely right here. File for seperation and get financial disclosure forms filled out now! Don't let her take advantage of you like this! I've seen this happen too many times. Sounds like she's stringing you along emotionally and financially. Hope you figure this out before she leaves you with nothing. Stay sane.
Re:OK, I'm in my angry phase now incoherentlonghorn: Yeah...she's taking advantage of the situation. Temporary orders work quite well, especially if you foresee a contested divorce.
Forget about HER living situation lucyloo: Ok, I realize that I want to tell you I see her as manipulative and cruel. That she hit you, and is a nurse, is maybe ringing too close to home for me, but a lot of nurses are really emotionally weird people, in my experience. They are co-dependent in passive agressive ways like this. They are care takers and then they get mad about something, and instead of fair dealings, they dish out cruelty. A lot of nurses come from homes where violence occurred frequently. (and it's cyclicle: many people reared in abusive homes become abusers themselves, in various forms)
I do'nt know a dang thing about temporary orders, and I'm for certain seeing this through my own jaded eyes, but in dealing with her, find the way that you won't hurt yourself. Find the way where you win! Taking care of yourself is the first priority.
DOn't think about her, or what's fair, or what she could do, or deserves. That just takes away from what you give yourself. Think about YOU and after she can't manipulate you (even if she thinks she is because what happens to be best for you is what she wants-- let it all GO) she'll stop trying, or it won't matter to you. Either way, you win.
You CAN make the payment directly to the mortgage company, and if you a re on the mortgage, find a realtor yourself.
That's my 50 cents worth.
Hope it helps. Take care of You, and the rest will fall into place.
Lucy
