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Re: My wife is having her lover's baby

Re: My wife is having her lover's baby EssieDotCom: you are not a loser sweetie. you did everything you could and everything against all that you believed bc you loved her. If only more men were less bullheaded at times and thought with their hearts. I'm sorry she walked all over you like this, she took advantage of a good man. Any woman would be very lucky to have a man so dedicated to her love. ***HUGS***
Raul: I have been away from Ojar since December. My story was my wife leaving me for her lover. She left me in September and we got back together in November. And she left me again in December. Only to return back yet again, this time, to tell me that she was pregnant. I, being I guess naive, thought she would have never had sex with her lover. So I assumed it was mine and she as well. We got back together and decided to be a family. I forgave her and told her that I would stand by her side no matter what. At that time, I decided I wanted to take another path in my life. And family and friends protested my actions... I joined the Army Reserves. I figure I can have college money and even help me regain some type of dignity by building courage and self-confidence- which it did. Yes, I am aware there is a war. Anyway, my wife stood by me through my 5 months of extensive training. I would call her and she would cry and we would tell each other how much we miss eachother. I always asked her about our baby. I was a proud husband and soon to be dad. I related with other husbands in training and we would give each other support. Well, three days before finally going home.... my wife tells me that it is over. And that the baby is not mine but his. And at that moment, I wanted to go crazy. Thankfully, my support among soldiers was there. And I decided to go home and get divorce and start new. I came home, never called her or anything. Family and friends said I looked good and seemed confident. I was. I met a young woman at a coffee shop one day. We became friends and went out. I told her my situation and she was okay with it. I was still in the process of filing for divorce. Then, about a month later, my wife gets my cell number through a friend. She tells me she misses me and wants to get back together. I told her to leave me alone and I don't want nothing to do with her. But, I missed her. So, I did the next foolish act... I moved in with her- but with the understanding she would seek counseling. For the next month, we went out, holded hands and talked about saving whatever is left of our marriage. Then last night, she tells me that she is going to spend time with her lover and not to wait up for her.  I went to her job, she gets out at 10 at night and we talked again about the same thing. She said I can stay with her, but that her relationship with her lover is not going to change. She is going to be with him again. I told her that if she goes out with him, I am gone. And she started again, putting the blame on me. That its my fault she is leaving to him. I told her that I accepted that the baby is his and that I moved in with her and was that not a sign of trying to work our marriage out? She said no, because I didn't tell her that I wanted to work our marriage out. I finally see that she has mental issues of some sort. So I moved out. I could have had an apartment by now, I used my saved money, to buy things for our then home and to go out. I regret it so much. The coffee girl and I don't talk anymore. What is wrong with me? If I would have just walked away and not give my wife another chance, I would have had my own place and dignity. Luckily, I work for the county, I still have my previous employment. I don't understand it! She tells me she loves me that she is sorry and that our marriage is going to work. She holds me, kisses me.... then she turns around and blames me for her leaving me. I had enough. Well, sorry for being long. I am temporarily staying at home with my parents. I feel like a loser. But I know, I will somehow, overcome this again.  Thanks Ojar for being here!!!!

 icwtsmnl: That's an awful thing to go through and you showed a lot of integrity trying to stick it out with her.

But she will never change.  You don't need that rollercoaster and revolving door.   Be strong.   You will get through this and you will meet another coffee shop girl.  Hugs.
 e-blogger: wow, Raul, quite a story.  I'm sorry that you had to go through this.
I agree with EQwidowX2B, though.  Any woman would be fortunate enough to have your dedication and love.
And if you met that coffee shop woman, and she was willing to start a relationship, I'm sure that there would be others who'd do the same.

You are not a loser.  All you wanted to do was stick to your marriage vows.  You took your vows seriously - there's nothing loser about that.

Finally, sorry to say, but your wife does sound like she has some type of psychological problem.
 spooky: That's a bad situation. I advise you to just get out and start over. That would be best in the long run. I agree with you, she has some issues.

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