what really matters...

what really matters... mikeychain: I am pretty much new here, but I haven't posted in awhile because of lack of time, which I regret.  I went to go see a mutual friend of the stbxw and mine today.  I was on my sales run and stopped by his work because I saw his truck there.  We got to talking and he said he wishes I came around more and I asked if the x does.  He said she doesn't but she talks to his wife on a daily basis.  He couldn't believe what has happened but from his perspective he said that I was better off.  From his wife talking to her and finding out the way she is acting now, he says that I wouldn't want her around.  She is pretty much not acting like the mother she once was.  He also stated how she is soooo into her money now.  She started stripping so of course with a 2 in waist and a set of DD's she is going to make some money.  Everything is $$$$$$'s now...when did that become so important.  What about this family, what about our two kids?  How can someone change so much where you don't even recognize them anymore?  I am here struggling to make ends meet and it drives me crazy when I see that she is buying new stuff left and right and having sooo much fun.  I think I am at the HATE stage in this process because I can't even stand to look at her right now.  When I drop the kids off or pick them up I won't even look her in the eye.  Just the very thought of her makes me crazy.  My family keeps telling me to just forget about her and be happy that things are over and that she is happy now.  They keep telling me that I need to be friends with her because of the kids, but I just cant do that right now.  I wonder if I ever will be able to???????  thanks for reading...
Re: what really matters... confused101: You don't have to be friends with her for anything.  Civil, maybe.  Friends? Aww hell no. 

Don't guess at why she did what she did or anything else, because they (people who shirk responsiblities and family duties) are retarded.  Just give em the finger and do what makes you happy.  Enjoy your kids most of all.  They need dad more than anything.

Re: what really matters... Dolphin Close: You can't question her about spending money that she herself makes.  You have a right to question her if she is spending your money.  Are you jealous shes making more than you?  Is that what's making you more angry?

Focus on the kids and move on.
Re: what really matters... mikeychain: i guess what makes me mad is she knew how tight our budget is and how i needed her to help, but i would never force her to get a job.  for almost 5 years we struggled while i bartended at night and went to school during the day...she could have easily said, "I will get a job and help you out..." but that was never the case and I never made her feel that she had to. We always balance child care and the costs of her working and she really wanted to stay at home so we agreed on that she would stay home.  that back fired and now she is doing what she wants and making her own plans with out us...the money wouldn't bother me so much if i wasn't having such a hard time getting myself out of debt.  i guess it was just one of those days....
Re: what really matters... Roseville: I'm truely not usually one to judge people for what they do, but the thought of my mom being a stripper really sickens me.  Of course, my mother is not a stripper (that God for small favors) but that is the exact reality that your children are going to face one day.  I that the only kid of job she was qualified to do?  You know what, she's not the only one around with a set of DD's, and not all of us find the need to stick them in the face of anyone that will give us a buck!  I, personally, would find that completely and totally degrading.  I want to be respected by my family, husband, children, and others for my mind, not my bra size! 

Ok, enough of that rant - and on to the money situation.  First of all, who has custody?  If she does and she is taking care of the kids and herself all on her own, then I don't really see your gripe, but if you have the custody of the kids and are struggling, then I think you should take her back to court and have your child support adjusted in relation to her new "career" salary.  The child support is subject to many things, such as raises, bonuses, all kinds of things. 

So, in a nutshell (unfortuatly, I'm a big nut, so my posts are generally long and rambling), if you've got the kids, then go for some mo' money.  If she's got the kids and is taking good care of them, then I say, let it go and get on with your life. 
J