Hard decision...

Hard decision... Nvfd: One of the biggest  issues J and I have is her ex husband.. When all these troubles started it was over her not being sure if she wanted to try and work things out with him or not. Now she says shes not going to and she just needs time to heal before we begin where we left off. OK thats fine with me. My issue is that she is still paranoid about her Ex finding out that shes with me. I feel like its not fair to me to not tell him, and its not fair to him either. Is that ridiculous? Is it wrong for me to want him to know that shes moved on and is seeing someone else? Its been almost 7 months since we have been together and he still has no idea. >:( How do I tell her without making me sound like im being controlling or pushy?  ???
Re: Hard decision... nidra: What reasons does she give for not wanting her ex to find out?
Re: Hard decision... Bird: Personally, I don't think you should- if anything, you should ask her why she's holding back.

Why do you want him to know?  Are you sure it's only because you want him to know she's moved on...I'm getting the vibe there's more to it.
Re: Hard decision... spooky: As currently being on the other side of that I think he deserves to know. But that could be my feelings speaking too loudly. If there's kids I think he should know who is being a sort of parent to his kids in his abscence. I wish I'd told by ex that, not that she would have told me anyhow... But I also don't think she should have to tell him everything. Don't pressure her, but tell her that it might be best to at least not actively make it a secret.
Re: Hard decision... Nvfd: Their is a child involved, and sometimes I feel like shes keeping that door open with him by not telling him shes moved on. Shes trying to keep the option open that if things dont work out with me or if she changes her mind she doesnt have to be alone. She can just run back to him. One of the last things I want to happen is if he does find out that shes seeing me and its by seeing us together that he losses his temper and does something stupid. I think another one of her worries is the child support. He pays more than he is required to every month and I think shes afraid if she tells him he will stop doing that.. And bird yes there's more to it, im threatened by him now that she has doubted me for him.  I never cared before, but now its rubbin me the wrong way when she tells me not to do things just so he doesnt see us together.