I don't want to tell anyone
and then he hits me with how he read and re-read my ultra-long email (about all the reasons I was done-- posted somewhere in "unsent letters") and that i was right about a lot of it, and how he wants to prove to me that he's not the selfish jerk I say he is. and that my past text to him "Golf won't love you back" really hit him. he hasn't played in two weeks and says he's cutting way back on it to take care of the things he needs to take care of. he went on about the other things he feels and what he wants for us, and how he plans to change. And I got sucked back in, even though I'm EXTREMELY skeptical and think that people don't really change in general. part of me thinks that things will be nice for a while, and then the old shit will come back up again and we'll break up again. for good.
But he's been being wonderful the past week, really going out of his way to make me happy and be affectionate and say and do the things I complained were missing. It's really nice. I'm just taking it day by day.
Here's the problem. We've been on and off so many times, and this last time, I was SURE was the end. So now that we're hanging out again, I don't want to tell my friends and family (and Smiley will shoot me). I've painted such a bad image of him to them. They'll all give me so much shit about it and roll their eyes, and never believe me again when I say something is OVER, and that i'm weak and making a mistake, etc. But i HATE lying, when they ask me what i'm doing on the weekend or who i went someplace with. I say "friends", but I don't want to keep going this way. Do I keep my mouth shut, assuming that we'll eventually break up again? and if we don't break up, then eventually tell them "we've been together for the past xx months and things are fine"?
Re: I don't want to tell anyone thejoker: I dunno much, but I know most people will acknowledge that most of what gets told to people is the bad stuff. Just an example is in my business (sales) we have a saying.. unhappy customers will bitch and moan.. happy customers just go away. In other words.. you have painted a picture of this guy as a big jerk, but have you ever said why you were with him in the first place? There has to be a reason why you were attracted to him.
and it is possible for people to change, but it also possible for them to act the way they need to act to get what they want. Be happy with what you choose, but be carefull, cause I am a guy and I have played that game too.
Re: I don't want to tell anyone chaotic: You dont really have to tell anyone anything.
You are taking this slow, if you do take him back, right? Almost like you are dating agian. Do you tell your family about every guy you are seeing? I think, if you want, you can just hang out with him and not really give anyone specifics. Then if things do work out....you can tell them whatever you choose.
As for people really changing, well sometimes it takes losing to make a person realize what they had. But you seem to have taken this guy back a couple times, so I dont know. Old habits are tough to change, but it is possible.
Re: I don't want to tell anyone alonewith2: I went through a similar thing when my stbx and I had decided to attempt a reconcilliation. For over a year, I leaned on my family for support, and they were witnesses to my pain. So there was no way I felt comfortable telling them that we were trying to work things out.
I started keeping more to myself...not really mentioning to the family what was going on....but then I finally did. It was inevitable since he was going to move back in and everything. I was actually suprised that my family didn't really say much. I guess they understood that it was my decision and they would just support me with it.
Of course, when things didn't work out that second time....I had nowhere to turn. But I found ojar at that point...so it was okay. ;)
Re: I don't want to tell anyone giver: Just remeber this.....they only want the best for you. And that's why they feel the way they do about him. But if they truely love you then they will accept and support YOU...not neccesarily your decisions, but you. Sometimes the hardest thing to do in life is let someone go make their own decisions, especially when we think they're making the wrong ones. (not saying you are at all)
So....first off....take it SLOW with the Ex. Make him win you back.....don't just go running to him. Show him you're in control this time and he's got alot to prove.
Secondly....maybe start slow with your family and friends....just make little comments about him. Something about talking to him and him saying something nice. You have to try and nonchalantly replace some of their negative thoughts with some good ones. And get ready for their hesitation.
And lastly......don't hold it against them if they aren't all excited about the mention of his name. Like I said, they love you and don't want to see you hurt again. And if things turn up bad again, don't expect them to come running so quickly to your aid.
IMO!!!
Giver
