Will my heart ever heal?
Will my heart ever heal? Steph1973: I saw my STBX on Saturday. I told him that I needed closure on relationship. We met and had lunch, then I said everything that I needed to say (I wrote it down so I wouldn't forget anything). I also gave him a letter. It felt good to get everything out. I told him that I just wanted him to be happy. I also told him that when he left me, he left everything that I was and everything I had to offer. That included my insurance. He still harps on me, trying to get me to put him on my health insurance. What? I just filed for divorce, I can't do that. I have no intention of doing that. He still thinks that he can intimidate me with his anger and I will do whatever he wants. Not anymore, jack! I haven't quite told him no in those terms, but he'll find out eventually and get mad at me. Well, that's his problem.
I met him later that day with some of his stuff and he was acting like a jerk because he didn't feel well. He was taking it out on me as well as her (yes, she came with him). I wouldn't do something he asked me to do, it involved using a word that I just won't say. Needless to say, he got angry. Before he left, I told him he was acting like an ass. Then he just got in the car and left, no goodbye, no nothing. I started to get upset, then I thought, Lord I am so glad that I don't have to put up with that crap anymore. I don't have to go home with him acting like that and watch him only get worse as he drinks. She gets to deal with him now.
I don't want that crap anymore.
I didn't talk to him at all yesterday. He called me today, wanting me to do something for him, as per usual. I asked him why I should do it and he said, "because you are my friend." Right, your friend, please! Do you actually think I consider myself your friend right now? Give me a break. I did what he asked just to get him to leave me alone. Then when I told him I saw a movie with some friends, he wanted to know did I sleep with one of them. WTF???? Then he says, well, when you do have sex again, I want to know about it. NO!!!! It's not any of your damn business anymore and I sure will not tell you. You will probably not be in my life when it finally happens again. Oh my God! I cannot believe he is so insensitive and rude to ask me something like that. What a slimeball!!! So then he tells me he has to go, and I said, "You just call to get me to do something for you then you gotta go, how convenient." He said that he'd talk to me later. I told him that if he wanted to talk to me, he had to call me because I wouldn't be calling him anymore. I am trying to go at least a week without talking to him and I don't actually think he can go that long without knowing what I'm doing. I just act cool as a cucumber, tell him that I'm having loads of fun (even when I'm not). I will make him think that my life is millions of times better because he isn't in it. And in a lot of ways, it is better, a lot better now that I don't have to put up with his junk. He can't keep me away from church like he used to. He still thinks that I am stupid for believing the way I do. Well, I've got news for you buddy, you're the one that's stupid, not me. I almost feel like crying right now, but I also feel strong. That I talked to him, I didn't get upset and I was cool and held myself together. I am proud of myself for that. It makes me smile. My favorite CD right now is Jo Dee Messina's Greatest Hits. I love Bye Bye, Stand beside me, Bring on the rain, and Lesson in leaving. I just keep it playing and singing along with it when I'm in the car, can't listen to the radio anyway, way too many darn love songs. It makes me feel better. I am gonna make it through this!! (Sorry for such a long post!)
brokenman: You are doing very well from the sounds of it. The only thing I would advise is to not do anything for him in the future. You won't be a bad person in my book for refusing to help out a fellow human. He has put his "human" status into question as I see it. Sounds like he will just take advantage of you anyway. Stay strong.
Insane isn't it? They walk all over you and their marriage vows and then they get paranoid and hurt by the prospect of you moving on and being with other people. I can only guess what he asked you to do, but if it is what I think it is, he is looking for you to participate in the evil to bring you down to his level to help alleviate his guilt. And my, how guilty he sounds! Oh, and if he asks whether you slept with someone, I wouldn't tell him one way or the other. You may be tempted to tell him you haven't but that justs reaffirms his belief that it is his business. I know it can look bad if he assumes that you have, but if it isn't true it can't stick.
Have you come right out and told him he is not your friend? I guess I haven't told my ex directly, but it sure feels like I have. If not, I'm sure he'll get the message eventually. Especially if you never call him, never go see him, and continue living your life no matter if you are happy right now or not. You really are doing well.
ChrisJane: Your heart will heal. You are no longer bound to him for anything. He's a boy and can handle things in his own life.
I guess it depends on how a marriage ends to know if two can remain friends and be here to help the other. I attempted to be a friend, but seen the same lying back stabbing man I divorced and ended all ties.
I told him we could be parents and that was it. Well I'm the parent and he's moved on to his rich OLD sugar momma.
Lias: His actions just go to show that he is not over you and the best medicine for that is to show him that you were strong with him but when it comes downs to it you are just as strong without him. That is a great CD and the message is very reassuring. This is what I told my husband. I don't need you.I like having you around but I don't need you to be.You are simply just a luxury and when I cannot afford you anymore emotionally please belive that you will have a one way ticket to the door.
Safetykc: Yes you're heart will heal Steph. Give it time.
Really proud how strong you are, and you're Ex is a crumb...it is TOTALLY none of his business who you are with now and he shouldn't have asked and definitely shouldn't expect you to tell him when it happens...Geesh...
Freaking sleestak.... :P
Big Hugs and stay strong.