Confusion confusion confusion...what should I do? wmessin: I've told my story a couple of times so you can get caught up in my previous posts if need be.
Got a call early this morning shortly after I got to work (I go into work usually before 7am) from the stbx as soon as she woke up. Hadn't gotten a call from her like this in several weeks.
She asked me if she sometimes has days where it feels like what we're doing in getting divorced is the best thing that's ever happened to us, but then other days feel bad and regret all that's going on in our "family" breakup.
She was having one of those days this morning I guess where she's regretting a lot.
Now...she is the one who wanted the divorce, and she is the one that got caught cheating.
She's since broken it off with the OM. I don't think she really knows what she wants for herself to be quite honest and that's what scares me most when she has these "regretful" days and seeks me out.
To make matters more confusing, she wants to go out to dinner tonight.
What in the world should I do? I have no clue.
Worried, confused, hurt, and broken...
Wayne
Re:Confusion confusion confusion...what should I do? brokenman: Do you think you could handle having dinner with her? If it were me, and reconciliation where still wanted I would probably go, BUT I would be very wary of everything. I would not let her back. She would have a spend lot of time and effort into making things right before that would ever happen. If reconciliation is out the window then I definately would not go.
The real concern is that these feelings of loss and regret come and go. So, it is over with the OM and she is lonely now. Of course you are there to fall back on. It may not be regret and admission to a mistake. It could just be a day in the dumps. There is a lot of truth to the statement, "You can't go home again". Things are different now and wishing things were like the used to be isn't going to make it happen.
Those are my thoughts. I hope you find clarity on the issue. If it were me, and I still couldn't decide whether to go or not I would not go. If in doubt maintain the status quo. If she is serious about seeing you again then she will still be there tomorrow. If she isn't then you got your answer without making a mistake.
Re:Confusion confusion confusion...what should I do? wmessin: Y'all are right. I know that deep down. She's made the comment to me in the past that she can't see us together as boyfriend and girlfriend, much less husband and wife ever again. But she's obviously continuing to flip flop. Like a friend of mine said...she wants her cake and eat it too.
I've come to nearly expect days like this from her where she's regretful (that doesn't mean she's changed her stance on the divorce) and the next day she's back to being cold...probably because she's freaked out that she allowed herself a day of weakness.
I know I don't need this...and this is just continued mistreatment and basically she's using me when it's convenient for her. That's what these last four months have been about for her....her selfish convenience for her own emotions.
I'll try to refrain from going. I really will. It's just that even after four months and after finding out her lies and her cheating on me, I still have that soft side for her and her companionship. I'll try to remain strong though. It's just very hard when you're not the one who wanted any of this in the first place.
Ugghh!
Re:Confusion confusion confusion...what should I do? cloud: Hi Wayne-M,
My advice would be don't be hard on yourself.
You still have feelings for her. That's not wrong, I don't think.
It would be great if you could be callous and unemotional and be past everything but you're not. And the ones who didn't want the relationship to end usually take longer to get through things.
If you do go to dinner, put on a confident face. You don't have to be happy or sad in front of her to get a response out of her. But if she sees you as being in touch with your feelings and moving forward with your life even though it's tough, she will see that you are a capable individual. And then you can leave the dinner with your head held high.
Hope this helps.
Cloud!
Re:Confusion confusion confusion...what should I do? wmessin: Alright...here's the latest.
I did not go "out" with the stbx last night. I did however speak to her at length. I knew something must have triggered all of this because she usually doesn't just flip flop like she did yesterday. She explained to me that two of her closest friends just found out they are pregnant with their first child.
My stbx is very upset over this because she said everyone else seems to be living the life that we were supposed to have. And I think she's very regretful right now about everything...heck we both are. I think she wishes she could have "us" back but is unsure due to all that has occurred.
As far as how I feel about a possible reconciliation...I honestly don't know. I've been very hurt by her cheating but I'm also a seriously forgiving person, and I don't know if that's good or bad. I would say I would be much more inclined to try to reconcile if she had approached me like she did yesterday and flat out said she'd be willing to do anything and everything to try and make things work. But all she said was that she's worried too much has happened. She said she needs a little time to get some confidence back...but at the same time never truly said she wants to get back with me.
So I guess I'm in a limbo stage, not really knowing what's going on. I'm trying my best not to get wrapped up in this too much and stay guarded. We'll see how it goes.
Wayne
