What should I do? Steph1973: My STBX just called me. I haven't talked to him in a few days so I really wasn't expecting to hear from him. He is having trouble with "our" car and wanted me to get my dad to help him find out what's wrong with it. WTF?!? My dad works for a car dealership so he has mechanic connections. I didn't tell him if I would help him or not. The OW and her children were all making a bunch of noise talking in the background and he wasn't even paying attention to me on the phone and he called me!! A$$! I told him to call me back when he could talk to me and I hung up on him. I want to be nice and help him out but I know that I shouldn't. He has the car now and he is responsible for it, period. But he just can't seem to understand that. I told him to call the dealer himself and ask them about the problem but he said,"Your dad is already there, can't he just ask somebody?" I keep thinking, why would my dad help you at all, after what you did to me? Asinine! He even asked me if I'd put him on my insurance yet. Yes, I haven't worked up the courage to tell him that I never did it. The opportune moment for that hasn't arrived yet. I know he'll blow a gasket when I do tell him and I am trying like hell to avoid it.
I just don't understand it. He doesn't want anything to do with me unless he needs help with something and then he calls. I need to stand up to him and tell him that I won't do it anymore, but I can't seem to bring myself to do it. I know he's a jerk and I don't want him back, but I don't want to be a b*&!h either. Am I being a B if I stand up to him? I don't know.
I do know that now that I do have my freedom and independence from him, I am happier than I have been in a long time. I am enjoying my life, although I'm alone a large part of the time. But I do get to do what I want, when I want. I have my own money and I can spend it how I want to. That's really nice.
So, can anyone tell me how I could handle this without starting a bunch of crap with him?
Re:What should I do? picadilly: Tell him your insurance is only for your dependants. He isn't your dependant so therefore, he's never going to get added to it. & since he's not your dependant, he should not be dependant on you to fix all his problems. He's a man... or supposed to be one anyway. Tell him to let his balls drop already & take charge of his own problems. Yes, your dad is at the dealership already but he's on the phone already too, instead of wasting your time calling you, he should use that call to phone the dealership himself.
Are you implying that if you stand up for yourself against an @sswipe, that your a b!tch? Hommie don't think so. Standing up for yourself is just that, standing up for your rights. Why feel bad about saying No to him? Think about it, do you think he was feeling bad when he did the things he did in your marriage? I don't want this to sound like an angry post, I just want you to understand that not everything is your responsibility, especially him.
Peace & love to you.
Re:What should I do? Steph1973: Thanks pic. I know that I have to stand up to him. He's unpredictable when he gets angry so I guess that's the reason I'm reluctant to say anything. When we were together, he kept my self esteem and confidence to a bare minimum because of how he treated me. When I talk to him, I still default to that mindset. I guess I need to get some "balls" of my own. I'm not under his thumb any more and I never will be again, it's just taking me a while to realize it. And no, it didn't sound like an angry post.
:-)
Re:What should I do? ChrisJane: Be strong and take a stand!
To be honest, your insurance company wouldn't insure him under your policy unless he is your legal dependant.
Its hard to take that big stand and tell him NO. Been there. Believe me once you do it though you will feel soooooooo good!
As I told my older son when he was growing up, "don't let it upset you others think I'm a
B!!ch, I'm a darn good one when I want to be ;)"
Re:What should I do? picadilly: ;D
Just occured to me... but maybe call your dad up & tell him your stbx wanted to "talk" with him. If your dad is anything like I would be, he'll get an ear full. Or, get the mechanic's name, give it to your stbx, have your dad tell the mechanic to charge him double time for the consult & double on the bill for fixing it. :P ok, thats just mean but it makes me smile all the same. :P
