Alone and scared rshaw: I am new to this discussion and would like to share my story. I was married for 6 years and we had two boys that I love very much and miss tremendously. My wife and I had problems communicating and dealing with conflicts. I was in graduate school so money was tight and I was always stressed. Finally, after struggling in counselling and trying everything we could think of to save our marriage she decided to call it quits and told me all of a sudden one day two months ago. Needless to say my world was rocked because I never wanted to give up. I wanted to stay together for the boys and keep going to therapy to try and improve our relationship. She said that it was too late. After the first week of horrible anguish and sorrow I was able to move back with my family and everything seemed to be better as I was surrounded with people who love me and want the best for me. Well, I just got a new job several states away from anyone I know and now I am sitting in an empty apartment feeling alone and scared and dealing with depression, anxiety, and severe panic attacks. I don't know anyone here and I am a shy person. I have an appointment with a counsellor next week but it seems so far away and the emotions are just too strong and intense. Reading the posts on this site and writing this seem to help. Any other advice would be greatly appreciated. :-\
Re:Alone and scared incoherentlonghorn: Welcome to OJAR rshaw...like so many have discovered this is an excellent site to lend support to those in similar boats and this site is overflowing with amazing people.
I was also in grad school, with one son, money was tight, and it is over. So I can relate.
I would get involved in sports, gamenights, cooking classes, or whatever hobby inspires you and take some classes. That is always a great place to meet people. Oh and you never know...you may be close to some ojarians.
Take care...one day at a time...this is a great place to vent until and beyond counselling.
LL
Re:Alone and scared Lumpy: Welcome rshaw,
I was wondering how much contact you have with your boys now? My children have helped me in untold ways to get through this. Is it necessary that you be three states away from them? I think they'd go a long way towards curing your loneliness. Plus they need their dad! Like LL suggested, try and get involved in whatever pursuits or interests that may interest you. Expand your focus and this particular problem will become less overwhelming. Stay Sane.
Re:Alone and scared Tessa: Hi and welcome rshaw,
I am sorry that you have to go through the pain that the rest of us have had to go through. It is hard. You will have up and down days for a while. I am still going through the emotional roller coaster. Time is helping me to heal though.
I have found that keeping busy and keeping your mind occupied helps. I decided to go back to school right before my x left me so that has been a big help to me. I am also joining a divorce support group in my area. I would suggest joining one in your area. It would be a great way to meet new people in your area and who knows maybe make some new friends. ;)
Another thing I am going to try is the Big Brother/Sister program. It is a big help to help others. It gets your mind off your problems and allows you to help someone else in need, which gives you a great feeling. If you don't like that option how about joining a club of interest?
Try doing activitys that you enjoy. Is there a sport that you enjoy playing? If so, try that.
Join a gym. That is another great way to meet people. Go for walks.
I hope one of those suggestions is helpful.
Just remember things do get easier with time.
Good luck and best wishes! :)
Tessa
Re:Alone and scared Safetykc: You aren't alone rshaw...
There are a lot of "real" careing people right here on OJAR...just come out here and read and post when you feel lonely.
Hang in there....I know it's tough.
Take care,
Safety
