Tired of being alone. Tessa: Today is a down day. I had been doing really well for a while. I actually had 3 up days. I was making progress. But, today I am feeling sad and lonely. I am tired of being all alone. I hate it. I wasn't supposed to be alone anymore.
I was supposed to hang out with friends today but they got sick. My friends have been canceling on me left and right because of being sick. Anyway, it has been almost 5 months since my x moved out of the house. I feel like I am ready for dating. Nothing serious, just going out and having fun.
It always depresses me when I go into to stores and see people with their husbands or boyfriends. :'( It doesn't help that all of my friends from high school and college are getting married this year. Just brings up memories of what it was like when I was married.
Does anyone have any tips on finding a nice guy?
Lonely Tessa
Re:Tired of being alone. Good to be ME: Tessa
I know that right now you hate being alone and just want to be with some one. IMHO I think that what you are feeling is exactly like what i was feeling. I was not happy being with just me...I wanted to have someone there. I mean don't get me wrong it still does such being alone but I am more ok with it now because I have gotten used to doing things on my own.
I was just like you and was being blown off by all my friends...so i said you know what...I am going to take myself to coffee. And I got in my car and went for coffee alone. I have been doing more and more alone until I am ok with being alone.
Now I do go out more often with new friends.
I don't think it is the fact that you want someone else in your life right now...It might just be that you are not confortable being alone. And I am sure that you will find that once you take yourself out on dates and if it is just you that you will feel so much better.
My very best wishes to you Tessa and let us know how everything goes :)
Re:Tired of being alone. wmessin: I can relate.
I think many times a day about how much it sucks being alone. In my case I moved 7 hours away from my entire family just over a year ago...to a new city and a new state where I knew no one to "settle down" with my stbx and start raising a family. Now she's cheated on me with a cop that she works with and she's the one wanting the divorce. And I'm stuck here with few friends to do really anything with.
Many days I'm on my own. "our" house seems so empty now...so devoid of life and energy. it's just me. I wonder why in the hell I'm even here.
I think to myself I must move away, get back to where my family is. But my career has taken off since moving here. So I hope there's a reason I'm here...but I'm afraid I won't last another year here because of being lonely.
Being alone really does suck, and I definitely know what you're going through. I know none of this helps to hear, but at least you know there are others dealing with the same exact feelings as yourself.
Wayne
Re:Tired of being alone. brokenman: We have all been there and I can tell you that after nearly a year of going through all of this I am a much better person for being alone. I think that if you don't get used to being alone then you will continue to depend on any relationship to keep you afloat. And chances are, the relationship will be as flawed as the one you just got out of. It sure isn't fun being alone but after a while it becomes the norm. Eventually you will start to discover you are a much different person than you have been in your marriage.
Heck, these days I will be sitting at the computer at 3 am enjoying myself with a game or chatting and suddenly think to myself, "Why would I want anyone pestering me out of doing this?" Or I decide to go out and eat and think, "Why would I want someone in the car right now telling me that my taste in food is awful and that I won't park in a good spot when we get to the place I didn't even want to go to."
For me, I did so much caving in to make my ex happy that I forgot who I was. (Oh and FYI, it didn't make her happy in the long run.) Being alone was so foreign that I didn't know what to do with myself. I trust that eventually I will want to let someone into my life again and I will want to give up some of those things I do for myself. And when that day comes, and the right person comes along I will be a better partner in the relationship because I know who I am.
I know that if someone gave me the above reply when I was first separated I would have been thankful for the input but not helped at all. But now I see that it is the way to go. The other way is to jump into the vicious cycle of entering flawed relationships and winding up single on the other end asking, "Why does this always happen?"
Re:Tired of being alone. brynne: I can relate...I was lonely & freaking out about being divorced & alone, so I jumped right back into dating w/in 2 months of my divorce being final.
Not sure if it was the smartest thing to do, but it did help w/ my self esteem, let me know that I still had what it takes to get out their & date. Plus, after the trama of a divorce, it's nice to know there are still some good guys left. And you need someone to find you attractive & interesting !
I would suggest asking friends to set you up, maybe someone they work with or a family member, you just never know ! That was they can do the leg work & let your potential suitor know that you are freshly divorced.
And I do agree w/ the other posts, it's good to get comfortable being alone, although easier said than done.
Hope
