relatives Good to be ME: I am not sure if this is the right spot for this but here goes anyways.
I have a problem with a relative. He is not a very nice person and is on drugs and is supposed to be getting married soon. I love the girl he is going to marry and this is my problem. I mean he is not good for her. He is rude to her and others and he had quit drugs but is doing them again. She is always upset with him...but is planning to get married anyway. I have not outright said don't do it...but I have told her to think about her choices before she does anything. I said that if she has any doubts to not do it. And I know she has doubts but she is still going to do it.
So my question is how do i just be there for her...I mean I just want to tell her to run far and fast but in the end it is her choice and I don't want her to hate me for this in the end.
Any advice would be great thanks :)
Re:relatives Discarded: Sounds like you have done what you can do at this point. You have made your feelings known in a round about way, and have told her if she has any doubts not to get married. There is only so much you can do for people that don't want to hear the answer they are getting. They have to make their own decisions and live with those decisions. They have to take responsibility for those decisions. If anything I would just tell her again that if she has any doubts to hold off on the marriage until she doesn't have any doubts.
Sometimes you are just too close to a situation to help much, and in this case it sounds like you are too close. Relatives can be a tricky subject because you don't want to alienate them or yourself later or cause undue hard feelings. I think you have done what you can at this point. She is either unwilling to hear what you are saying or has decided that what you are saying doesn't matter in thier relationship.
Take Care,
Discarded
Re:relatives ChrisJane: She will have such a rough way to go if she doesn't stop now. But next to peopel nabbing her there isn't much else you can do.
Sad, but sometimes we have to learn from our own mistakes. Let her know that if she needs a friend to talk to or a place to stay when things get bad, cause we know it will she is welcome.
Be strong for her till she can be strong for herself.
Re:relatives picadilly: Hard for me to ever imagine staying in a relationship that is so obviously wrong, where one person is so controlling & on a certain level, abusive. It boggles the mind but love is a funny thing, as we all know. It's the "...but he still loves me..." syndrome.
Remember "A Woman will marry a man thinking she can change him, a Man will marry a woman thinking she won't change."
Many people have the misconception that marriage will fix things, that once someone has that responsibility, that things are golden, that the spouse will buckle down & work to make things good. It doesn't work that way, we know this but again, some people don't. They need to learn from their own mistakes.
You have done all you can for her, support her as best you can through the wedding & then afterwards. You can't be more forceful with her because love is blind & she may get angry at you for trying to mess up the "happiest" day in her life. Just be her friend & hold her hand.
Good luck on that one.
Re:relatives Good to be ME: thanks everyone. It is what I thought but I just needed to hear it from others.
Cheers
