I figured this would be worthy of a new topic wmessin: Spoke to my stbx this morning and if you've been following my "confusion confusion confusion" thread you know the story up to this point.
Well, new ground has been broken this morning. For the first time she told me that she wants to really work on getting us back together taking it one day at a time, going through counseling, the works.
My emotions are severely mixed right now based on everything that's occurred with her, but I have this odd feeling of redemption almost. Does that make sense?
I certainly have a lot to think about now. She asked if she could attend my counseling session with me today and I agreed that she could. We'll see what happens.
What a rollercoaster the last 4 months have been. I guess the ball is now shifting into my court and I know I have to be very careful with what I decide to do.
Wayne
Re:I figured this would be worthy of a new topic cloud: Wayne,
I don't want to jinx anything for you, but your e-mail made my morning.
You and I are sort of in the same situation. Seeing mixed signals in our stbx's comment/actions and kind of hoping their is hope of reconciling.
What do you mean by redemption?
What does this do with your divorce date and has the decree been signed?
Can I offer one piece of advice? Don't let the talking or rebuilding focus solely on the counseling. It's easy to think that counseling will solve the issue but sometimes it only brings up superficial issues that cause more tension and stress than break ground. You probably know that, but I feel like my stbx found our counseling sessions to confirm her negative feelings about our marriage rather than resolve them. And I wish that I had spent more time talking with her outside of therapy and getting her to communicate about her feelings and wants/needs.
Sorry for all the questions. Your posting seemed so optimistic, and it made my morning like I said.
I have a counseling session today, too, I wish my stbx would call/email and want to come.
Re:I figured this would be worthy of a new topic wmessin: Hi Cloud,
Well the divorce decree has not yet been signed. In fact the official document hasn't yet been drafted up. My court date is scheduled for August 19th.
The session later today should be very interesting. I know she's been struggling with her feelings on "us" for the past month, ever since we got back to talking on amicable terms. I had a feeling something was about to happen with her but I wasn't sure. She kept saying she had this wall built up around her to where she couldn't have feelings about us, etc. But I guess that wall has been broken down, and the only thing that I can think that broke it down was me being myself and being completely open and honest with her about my feelings for her.
I never wavered on that. She knows that. She has said for several weeks that she knows that I can provide her more than she could ever expect but for whatever reason she couldn't "feel" for me. I guess that's now changed, or at least I hope. We'll discuss that today.
I appreciate your advice with regard to the counseling session. I think the best thing for us has been our open communication (probably the root of our problems to begin with was the lack of open communication).
I still don't want to get my hopes up to high, but today was very uplifting for me as it's something I had been hoping to hear one day. I just didn't prepare for how I should react to it.
Re:I figured this would be worthy of a new topic cloud: Wayne,
I'm right where you're at--but a month or so behind.
My stbx said in June she wanted the divorce to go forward.
It wasn't until earlier in the month after I found the words that I wanted to say to her that I told her how much I still loved her and how much I thought we had learned from this separation. I told her how we could have everything we wanted in life if we worked through our differences with love and communication.
She let me talk to her and tell her my feelings without cutting me off and saying "too late" or "I don't want to hear them."
It got her to start "thinking about things" but she hasn't budged from that and hasn't wavered on her feelings about things. I gave her the decree on Monday along with a letter telling her more of the same about my feelings and my optimism for a life together.
I told her she had a wall up and that I was doing my best to get over it but I needed her help.
I feel like it's a lost cause. But I know there is still love between us and we have a beautiful daughter that we both adore. And our biggest issue is communication. We get past that, we can accomplish and resolve so much.
I just wish she could see that and see the possibilities rather than stand by her decision and her negative thoughts about how the past would continue to play out in the future.
I guess all I can do is leave the door open and hope she passes through.
Cloud
Re:I figured this would be worthy of a new topic wmessin: Cloud it sounds like you've done all you can. Unfortunately we cannot be in control of everything all the time to ensure things turn out the way we think is best.
You're at the point where you just need to let her figure things out on her own. If she still decides to walk away, then you know it was never meant to be. If she decides to come back, then just be prepared for a load of effort from both of you. The scariest thing for me is hoping that my wife puts in as much effort as I'm willing to.
We'll see soon if she's really serious or not. Hopefully this isn't just another phase she's going through.
Wayne
