Timing of post-D relationships Spectrum: So..... I'm sitting here wondering what the point is of not dating.
Really, I guess I would like to date, but then reality sinks in..... The thought of "breaking in" a new relationship just doesn't appeal to me. I don't know that I even *want* the hysterical high of a new relationship- I want to comfort of an old one.
This is not to say that I want the ex back, as I really don't. But I want that comfortable someone by my side, and I don't want the emotional rollercoaster rite-of-passage to get there. I know this isn't possible, but it's still what I want.
All my divorced friends playing cross-country merry-go-round to be with their new respective significant others.... And I'm sitting here, post solo merry-go-round.
I did it by the book, right? You're not supposed to get into significant relationships immediately after your divorce, right? Well, a big fat raspberry to that. :P
I don't know what I'm complaining about.... I'm young, I'm smart, and I left multiple potential relationships behind me in Minnesota to come here and do what I wanted to do with my life (and which I wouldn't change for the world).
But darn if it isn't hard to meet decent men when you're working 10 hours a day, 6 days a week on a farm!
Spectrum.
Re:Timing of post-D relationships ChristyM: I think I'm one of the post-divorce cross country relationship merry go round riders, no? ;)
The thing is E, you will meet that great guy no matter how many hours you are working or where the location is. On the plus side, you'd rather meet someone when you're in your "element" (and no, that's not a euphemism for manure) so they can see and fall in love with the real you.
AND, you (we) already know there are great guys out there as we've come in contact with a few lately so just HANG IN THERE and don't settle.
Christy
Re:Timing of post-D relationships cloud: Totally agree with Christy.
Rent "Hope Floats" that's a good movie. Lots of good-looking guys outside of the city.
I think the key is to find guys that are fun to be with. That make you laugh, that make you comfortable with just being you. That way you don't have to look at them as potential relationships but just people that you enjoy sharing time with. Don't shoot for the moon. Just shoot for enjoying yourself.
Re:Timing of post-D relationships picadilly: Ya, I'm with you there Spec.
I want the comfort & friendship an established relationship brings but you can't have it without first ... um, having a relationship. :P catch 22.
& the fact that I'm technically still married has alot to do with my not dating yet. I just don't feel comfortable with the idea. I don't know if she is dating or not but for my own peace of mind I haven't bothered looking. I suppose if someone came along & it just sort or worked out, great, but I'm not actively looking myself.
Damn, just thinking about it & it's been like 9 months now since the seperation & 7 months since I've heard from her. wierd & well, just makes you think. :)
You're a great person Spec & your still so young, it'll happen when you least expect it but take my word for it, it will happen again. Atleast now you know the kind of man you want for yourself & what not to look for, eh?
Re:Timing of post-D relationships JimB: [quote author=Spectrum link=board=6;threadid=3587;start=0#msg28174 date=1091208537">
So..... I'm sitting here wondering what the point is of not dating.
[/quote">
Interesting choice of words. You make it sound as though you've been actively avoiding dating. IMO, that's really no different than actively seeking out a rebound type relationship - in both cases, something is being forced to happen (or not happen).
Everyone is different, and I'm sure you've seen the benefits of being alone for a while - there are many. But I'm coming around to the opinion that a "laissez-faire" attitude is perhaps best. In my case, I'm definitely a happier person since I stopped trying to force things to happen (or not happen). I'm much better at dealing with events than trying to influence them. Maybe it's just me, though....
You threw in another interesting choice of words, about "breaking in" a new relationship. Are relationships really that much like horses? ;D Seriously, the "breaking in" process should be fun - if it doesn't sound like fun to you, you're probably not ready for a long relationship yet. But hey, neither am I. I'm a pretty lazy guy - I want the good stuff a relationship has to offer, and would rather avoid the effort I need to put into it. That's probably a big reason why I got a divorce. It's certainly a big reason why I got into a relaxed, enjoyable relationship with no real long-term prospects.
And there's certainly more to life than romance. Like horses, for example. ::)
Anyway, just stream of consciousness today. Make of this what you will....
