Is this what I have to look forward to? pmass0419: I have been separated for about a month now and last night was really the first time I went out since all this happened. I went out with a pretty good friend on mine. My friend is 35 and married, but he and his wife have some friends that are in their late 20'2 and early 30's. I myself am 31. I ended up meeting another guy who is 31 and divorced. His wife cheated on him just like mine did on me. There was also two other females that I met for the first time. They were both nice, but it seemed like they would have been just as happy if I was not there. Maybe I'm imagining this, but that is how it seemed. My confidence is not the greatest lately considering all that I have been through. To make matters worse, I am not real talkative. I am usually quiet until I am comfortable around people.
Anyway, we ended up going out to dinner and to a night club. I couldn't help but feel old. I know the people I was with are my age, but the bar seen is just not for me anymore. 7 or 8 years ago I had a great time going out, but those days are over. After we left the bar, we went back to one of the female's homes and smoked pot. I smoked my fare share of pot when I was younger, but I am just not into that at this point in my life. In short, I was really disappointed with how things went.
A few short months ago, I was thinking about starting a family. Then I discovered my wife was having an affair. Now I'm forced to start over. I just don't know what the hell I am going to do. Most of my friends are married and are not looking to go out all that often. The ones that I told you about are into things that I can do without. I'm not really into the whole church atmosphere. I am planning on joining a gym in the fall, but I don't have a lot of faith in that. It is just so damn hard. I feel like I don't belong anywhere right now. Maybe it is me. How the heck do you start over? What kind of things do all of you do that enable you to make new friends? Having a shattered self esteem and being naturally quiet is not a great combination when you are a soon to be divorced 31 year old. Do any of you fell like I do? And have any of you overcome this? How do you rebuild your whole social life? I would appreciate any advice.
Re:Is this what I have to look forward to? Good to be ME: I felt like this about a month ago. I just thought that I don't fit in anywhere. I didn't have friends. I felt lost and very confused.
I just started to contact old friends that I had lost touch with. My firends I did have introduced me to new friends. Now I have people I can call and just chat whenever. I mean don't get me wrong I don't go out all the time with friends. They work and have their own lives...but I think the secret is to get to know many different people and to be ok with doing stuff alone.
I was so sad that I would not have anyone to go out with...so one day I just got up and took myself to coffee. After that first time...I did it again. Now if I have to go out and get things or whatever, I am fine with going by myself.
Pmass don't worry this feeling will go away. I was naturally quiet and had no self esteem. But boy I am sure different a few months later.
Take care and chin up.
Cheers
Re:Is this what I have to look forward to? SherylLynn: Pmass,
I too am in your shoes. Separted for a month, he lives with his OW and only sees his daughter 10 hours a week. He gets all the time in the world to play and go out and that is what he does. I, have limited time. It is hard to meet people because all my friends are married and not looking to date or do the single thing.
To be honest with you, I have been having a good time on different single websites and meeting people online that way. I have actually met 2 guys that I have connected with, in cyber space and when the time is right for me, we will connect in the real world. Other than that, I too have been taking myself out to coffee or dinner alone. It is hard, but it gets easier. I am limited on time unless I have a babysitter or my stbx has our daughter, so.... I make do with the time I have.
I hope this helps.
SherylLynn
Re:Is this what I have to look forward to? Safetykc: Find some new people to hang out with. Go to music shows that have bands you want to see.
Is there a YMCA? Can you take classes in something, either physical, or crafty?
You can then meet people who have similar interests....
Taking classes is a great way to meet people.
It is hard to rebuild, but it can be done. Take it one day at a time.
Stay Strong,
Safety
Re:Is this what I have to look forward to? grober: pmass0419,
We all have gone through what you're desribing in one way or another. My X was pretty central to my social life. Basically, I had no friends of my own. Once she left, I lost pretty much everyone in our "circle".
I started working out 3-5 times a week. Yeah, I know, I kinda over did it. But it helped. I tried spin classes to meet more people. I bike on my own, so I was able to meet people to ride with. I also took some art classes. Basically find things you like to do and pursue them. You will meet people with similar interests. Sure, they may be married, but they may eventually introduce you to single friends they have.
I also tend to be a more reserved, quiet person. It was difficult at first, but it got easier to be more assertive with new people. There will be times when you have to MAKE yourself do something social. It is outside of your comfort zone right now, but that will change.
You can rebuild an active social life. Give it a chance.
Good luck.
