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how do I make him leave???

how do I make him leave??? Butterflygirl: my stbx and I still live together and I have talked to him twice about getting out. I try to keep it really nice in hopes that i can just end it and try to move on in my life.

he is seriously dragging his feet and last night we hadd some friends over. i totally have no trust in him and suspected something about one of our female friends.

so he goes inside by himself then about 5 minutes later she decides it is too cold and that she has to go in. I decide that i was cold too and was about two feet behind her when she walked into the livingroom.

he couldn't see me but she knew i was there. i saw him actually slap his lap a few times to summon her to come over and sit on his lap. i absolutely did not imagine this and she just gave him the side eye and kept walking. i walked in like 2 seconds later and he just starred straight at the tv.

I of course didn't bother to say anything but i feel like i am being eaten alive. every second he is here i feel like i have to babysit him.

i just want it to be over. i need him to be gone once and for all but i am not strong enough to continually confront him about it.

does anyone have any ideas about how to get them to leave without a big fuss. i really couldn't handle anymore crap right now.
ChrisJane: :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o :o

??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ??? ???

This doesn't appear to have an easy out answer. He is doing all he can to push your buttons. He wants his cake and eat it too. Even though the relationship is over, he can live with you and do what he wants.

I think you're going to have to get tough and instead of asking him to move out TELL him its time. If he still finds reasons not to move file the papers and let the law escort him out.

PLaying hardball may be the only way to make this man know you mean business.

 SugarSweet: I agree with CJ. The only way for him to know that he can not walk all over you anymore is for you to stand up for yourself. Get some papers drawn up. That is what I did. For months I asked him when he would be moving out, and he would say he was looking into it, or what ever the excuse at the moment was. When I was getting the papers drawn up, I had the date of his moving day drawn into the papers. I don't believe he thought I would go through with it... until he was served the papers. Thanksfully, I gave him only a month to get out, and I made myself scarce that month, but when I did see him, he would openly admit that he was shocked and could not believe I was doing this to him :o. Be strong BFG, it is a very hard step to take, but well worth it.
I do have one question though, and please forgive my ignorance if I have just missed your reason on the board, but why are you not leaving? Just a question....
 Butterflygirl: Thanks so much for the replies. I guess I will need to get strong and do what has to be done.

I spoke to the girl today and she confirmed my suspicions. She also said that he has called her as well as his idle proposals when I am not in the room.

I feel like I have been punched in the gut. Again.

I am not leaving because it is my house and soley mine. Thank the Lord I atleast did that right.
 leem03: I have to agree with the other posts here BFG, the only way to make him leave at this point is to start doing it legally. I have been in your situation far too long, but the house is OURS. In your case quite different, there should be no hassles if he doesn't have ownership.

I think the real problem is when have you really had enough to take the final step to get him out. I haven't reached that point yet. I want him to leave, but I don't want him to legally be removed. Stupid, huh? See, for me, I still hope for him to change back into the man he was when I married him. It will never happen! I know it won't. But that doesn't stop me from hanging on. Obviously you see what a jerk he is to try and have some other girl in your home right under your nose. That is just plain WRONG!!! You saw it & you did nothing. Just goes to show you that you are a better person & honestly it shows how STRONG you are. Much stronger than you give yourself credit for.

I don't know what it is that makes us all do crazy things. Love? Fear? Hope? Stupidity? Competition? For me sometimes I really wonder if it isn't part of my competitiveness. I have always been involved in sports growing up, so needless to say I hate to lose. (Not that I'm a bad loser or anything like that). So I wonder if this thing with the OW is really a competition. I hate to lose him to HER. My life has been so messed up for so long, I don't even know where my true feelings lie.

But BFG, you have to do what's right & when it's right for you. You have taken his crap for too long already, so how much is really too much??? Just like CJ said, he is still technically having his cake & eating it too. Why should he leave if you're not putting the axe down.

Good Luck, believe me I know how extremely hard this is.

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