I know I deserve better than this..
I know he is still seeing other people, I'm pretty sure he is out with someone tonight that he expects to stay the night with. I know I deserve more than this. I know I am good to him. It's so hard when I see him making little strides for the better, then something happens and I just miss him so much. Things can never go back to the way they were, but why can't he just see how much I love him and want to be with me????
This is killing me because I have always had such self confidence and known what I wanted and how to get it. I feel like such a complete loser because I stay with him. I just know how perfectly happy we could both be if he would just try. He just won't put in the effort, and I know that won't change. I know I deserve so much more than this, but all I want is him.
I hate so much that he has the power to make me cry still. I want to be able to walk away and give up and everything, but I can't. I don't want to hurt anymore. I do have mild anti depressants that I have been taking since we broke up, and anti anxiety medication as well, but I hardly ever take the anti anxiety medicine anymore. Tonight I had to. It helps a lot, but I just don't want to cry anymore.
Re: I know I deserve better than this.. wtfjusthappenned: if you know you deserve better, for sure, then why are you choosing to try and be with someon who obviously has made a decision to not be with you! sounds like this person is not as ideal as you think, maybe you should also ask, what is the motive for all the "hard work"? sounds like a contril issue on the others part. i don't know the whole situation, but walk away. there is no way you can possibly make someone else love you. especially if the other person has no clue how to love themselves enough to show you any respect....your call though....you can let him have his cake and eat it too, or pick yourself up and walk away.
Re: I know I deserve better than this.. blkarazu: [quote author=wtfjusthappenned link=topic=36572.msg389395#msg389395 date=1161669149">
i there is no way you can possibly make someone else love you. especially if the other person has no clue how to love themselves enough to show you any respect....your call though....you can let him have his cake and eat it too, or pick yourself up and walk away.
[/quote">
I know the best thing for my mental health is to do just that. walk away. I just know that he wouldn't follow, and for the first time in my 29 years of life, I think I've come across something that I don't think I am strong enough to survive. I am just not strong enough for this. I have always been able to do anything. ALWAYS. until now. He is my hope for happiness. I've only ever felt true blissful, euphoric happiness when I am with him. Ever. Now that I know what that feels like, how do I go the rest of my life without it? without even glimpses of it?
Some days are so much harder than others. This is one of the worst I've had in a while. I was out with friends tonight watching my Favorite band play live acoustic, which I love, and He texted me and said we couldn't meet tonight. That was enough to make me cry. I fought it. My friends don't know what to do for me anymore. I didn't want to cry. I just hurt so much. I want him to need me just a little. Tonight is so hard.
Re: I know I deserve better than this.. yaz: Our stories are similar -- and I'm struggling w/issues like this too. I know, I Know, I KNOW how totally UNBELIEVABLE it is to witness the total body-snatching of the partner you adored, trusted, and built a life with.
Even so -- you can't hang on to his pant leg. You can't make him love you, snap out of it OR stay. If he wants to go --let him go. You need to do what you can to preserve your self-repect. I think that's what's making you feel like you've lost your self-confidence. And the thing is -- if you appear to him as willing to put up with anything he can dish out -- he's not going to respond the way you need him to. Let him be all alone too -- don't come when he calls. Don't accept scraps.
But what do I know...right?
Re: I know I deserve better than this.. bethere: Hey I did this terribly two years ago! It was the most horrible feeling knowing what you are doing is wrong but having no control over yourself. And then no one around you understands how you could be doing this, if they know what is happening.
#1 FORGIVE YOURSELF! OVER AND OVER AND OVER. FORGIVE YOURSELF. You have to. Every stupid thing I did at that time I would feel worse and think that I have no self control anyway so way not do it again. FORGIVE YOURSELF! Really take a look at yourself and forgive that you have kept going back to him when he doesn't feel the same way. Then one day at a time do something other than what is harmful to you (including seeing, talking, writing, communicating with this guy in any way). Remember these things are harmful because whatever response he gives you right now will not be enough. When he didn't feel the way I did about him, everything he said hurt me, everything. Only when you are not weakened by him can you accept his responses, which will take some time. It sucks, and I had to go on anti depressants too, but after 6 months I stopped and then slowly started living again.
Stay online here and use this place as much as you can to get out of this.
I wish I knew about it then. Now I have a new heartbreak and I am not willing to stay like I did before. So I am here now.
Take care and you have my support
