To know or not? Need Opinions.
I live in a pretty small town. People seem to know everthing about everyone. There is only one club/bar and if you are there people know. If you are getting married, divorced, widowed, single whatever, people know.
Thru this separation/divorce I have been keeping a low key. Never gone to the club and just tried to live my life and put it back together. Haven't dated. Mostly because I don't want to and I still love my H. It's been 5 1/2 months.
My H has been flip flopping back and forth in my life. Some days he wants to work on the marriage, some he doesn't. Up until recently he hasn't gone out or done much of anything but drink at home. And alot of that. He is drinking more than ever. He has actually been paranoid that I am dating and going out. I know the guilty dog barks the loudest.
Ok, here is the question. Last night my friend was going to the local bar/club. I knew there was a strong chance that my WAH would be there after his work xmas party. I have been stressing about it all week. Last weekend I heard he showed up there totally obnoxious and drunk and flirted with many women. I heard this from friends and from various people in the community. I know how sad. They let you know whether you want to or not. It really hurt to hear how he was. Anyway, I told my friend last night that I didn't want to know if he was there or not and what he was doing. It just hurts way too much. She thought that was stupid and I was living in a bubble and needed to hear what he was doing so I can move past it. I feel different. It shocked me so much last weekend that all I did all week was hurt and obcess. My plan for the rest of the community I run into is when they start their story about him and what he is doing is quickly tell them I don't want to talk about it.
So my ?? is...is it better to know what WAH is doing or choose not to know? Am I being stupid and hopeful by not knowing? What do you all think?
Re: To know or not? Need Opinions. ebl: this is a very good question, and I myself am debating if I should hire a private investigator to see if my husband is still with the OW.
But back to your case, I think that if you are living in a small town where everybody knows your business, you should definitely know what they would say about you. You don't want to look like a fool.
Let me ask you - do you want this marriage?? Because if you don't, then the answer to your question might be different. But it doesn't sound as if you are willing to give up.
Re: To know or not? Need Opinions. sheeps: [quote author=flipflopnomore link=topic=38558.msg419435#msg419435 date=1165679299">
Anyway, I told my friend last night that I didn't want to know if he was there or not and what he was doing. It just hurts way too much. She thought that was stupid and I was living in a bubble and needed to hear what he was doing so I can move past it. I feel different. [/quote">
I believe this confession is true, in your heart, and I think it answers your question in the best way: with your own words.
Re: To know or not? Need Opinions. flipflopnomore: In a perfect world I would love my marriage. I do still love my WAH despite all the crap he has pulled and how he has hurt. I don't however want him the way he is now. He is not the same man that I married.
I guess what I am trying to say is that hearing all about how he was flirting and really obnoxious hurts no matter what. When I heard about him last weekend I felt the air being sucked out of my lungs. I was in sort of a coma for days.
No, I don't want to look like a fool at all. But it doesn't look like he has any real plans to change soon and this self desctrutive behavior is more than I can take hearing about it. As much as I do sit and wonder, confirmation and details are more brutal.
