Leaning on family JBH1970: Ever think you are wearing your family out? Not financially just by always being "the upset one". I have not had to ask for any financial assistance but I am always leaning on them for emotional support everyday. I would love to get through all of this for them as much as for myself.
Re: Leaning on family atd74: I used to think that way so I know the feeling. Everyday there was a new drama and everynight a new phone call to my parents looking for support. Even though I knew they'd always be there for me no matter what and would never not support me I knew I had to find another outlet which is how I arrived at Ojar.
My Mom actually said to me she was glad I found Ojar because there were times that I just wore them out... not in a bad way but emotionally it was hard for my parents to see me go through everything I had been through. It was going on for so long - 3 years and it's tough to see your child in emotional and mental pain. They also felt that they didn't have all the answers and that being in a support group like this one would allow me to be around people going through the same thing who may have better advice.
Things are going so great for me now but every now and then I'll get into a confrontation with my ex and I'll explode to both or one of my parents (I'm living with them unti I buy something in the Spring) and they let me rant and rave for only so long... then they convieniently change the subject which is good for me because if they didn't I would 1) go on forever and 2) make THEM upset.
Don't beat yourself up about it though... your family and friends should be and will be the ones to give you unconditional support and love. You will get to the point where you won't need to lean on them so much but until that time comes (or until they tell you you're driving them nuts) know that it's ok.
Re: Leaning on family achingallover: Yes yes! I was at my freind's house Friday night and crying because I can TELL I am wearing them out - and this has just been going on for 2 months! I haven't really used my sister too much, because he life is such a mess - too much stress - I think if I stress her out too much, she'll end up in the nut house...hey, wonder if she and I can get a 2 for 1! ;D
My father died of alzheimer's a year and 1/2 ago and my mother I haven't spoken to since then - she's an alcoholic. So, I feel like my one closest friend here in LA is most like my sister. I think I'm slowly killing her with this. I"m trying to branch out and get support elsewhere, but it's like, trying to tell everyone all the twists and turns all the time is exhuasting. Thank god for this board! I'm on here constantly!
Re: Leaning on family DaisyGarden: After going through this divorce for over a year, my family is worn out! My Mom would still like to see s2bx and I back together, and my sis & BIL and EVERYONE else, just never want to hear s2bx's name again. :-/ I'm careful now, in how much I share because they truly need a break and it helps me not to relive everything by making it topic #1.
Re: Leaning on family justmenow: I think I'm having the opposite problem. I kind of like to handle things alone, though I have been spending more time than usual with my parents. My family has been calling and calling and inviting me places and I'd rather just be alone. I have been going out with friends a lot more than usual too, but try to talk about other things to keep my mind of my life right now.
You don't wear out your family - there will be a day when they need to lean on you, and you will get your opportunity to reciprocate. Lean on them while you need to, but keep in mind that you shouldn't be miserable forever. Try to work your way towards a more positive outlook somehow. It will be good for everyone in the end.
OJAR has helped me tremendously - the ones who respond do so willingly, so no guilt about wearing out my welcome here (I hope). ::)
