need help/support cvictory: wow, i am very excited about finding this board. just from reading some of the issues others are facing makes me feel as if i'm not alone in this.
over this past summer, my wife and i began to grow apart from each other. we had some fun here and there, but for the most part, there was a lot of silent treatment. prior to this summer, i was in my first year of business school and the pressure to perform was very intense, so that hurt our relationship as well. however, we have always been the best of friends and before these troubles began, were also very much hot for each other (this feeling somewhat left as well).
about a month and a half ago, she mentioned not feeling good about our marriage and confused. she wanted to see a counselor, which i fully supported and offered to help in any way. she went to one session and then headed off on a business trip, saying that it would be good for me to go with her when she returned. i met her in nyc for an evening before she returned home and then i was out of town for a few weeks, while she was meeting with her therapist. when i returned, we sat down to have a discussion and she informed me that she does not feel anything for me anymore and doesn't want to be married to me. she mentioned never feeling any real passion for me, which i cannot believe. she also completely moved all of her stuff out of our house. obviously devastated, i got really angry, but nothing physical. we spoke once more and she promised to see a marriage counselor when she returned from a business trip (which has lasted for 3 weeks now). i have tried to contact her via email and phone and she has not responded to anything.
the shocking thing to me is that she made this decision without any input from myself. i am absolutely crushed by her decision to leave me and feel totally empty inside. the other surprising thing is that she did not consult with her family about this when she moved out (and in with them). she relies on her family more than anyone i have ever met and has now shut them completely out of her life as well.
my question to anyone who can offer support is this: it seems like she may have lost it for the time being and made a very rash decision (which she may regret). she's a very, very stubborn person, so arguing or convincing she feels otherwise is pointless. if she is willing to go to a counselor with me at some point, i will jump on the chance immediately, but what do i do about the lack of contact with her? she is everything in the world to me and i can't seem to deal with the fact that she has shut me 100% out her life like this. i have this constant need to call her continually and email her incessantly to tell her how much i love her and convince her that what we once had is worth fighting for. can i go after her like this or should i just wait and see if she decides to let me in, if only a little bit?
sorry for the long post. thanks to everyone for your help.
Re:need help/support SugarSweet: Wow Alone... what a blow.
I am sorry you are going through this. However I am sure that you will find comfort here @ OJAR, if not already.
In my opinion, while it is unfair how your wife is behaving... I think it would be in your best interest to maybe give her the space that she is apparently demanding at this point. I know it is hard, there is something about being ignored that makes a person want to try harder and harder to be noticed.
I am glad you found this site, it has really helped me, and I am sure it will help you too. Take care~
K~
Re:need help/support Kinney26: I can tell you from experience that chasing does not work. When my stbx first left I tried calling and leaving messages and it just made her mad. My mother in law asked me, What is your first instinct when something is chasing you? answer, to run away. Unfortunately I couldn't follow this advice for long periods of time. Would it have helped to leave her alone, I'll never know. I can tell you that I will have divorce papers to sign by next week. I know it is really hard, but if you just give her some time and space it may help.
Re:need help/support cvictory: thanks for the advice. it's just unbelievably hard to come home every day and not see her or talk to her. she was by far my best friend and we shared so many things in common and had so many inside jokes that made each other laugh. the hardest part is thinking about what i could've done to avoid this situation. i guess it's normal, but i cannot get those thoughts out of my head at all.
Re:need help/support Kinney26: I know exactly how you feel. My stbx left 3 months ago and a day hasn't gone by that I don't think about her a lot. The pain is still there but is has lessened. I still miss everything about my marriage, well most things. I see her all the time because we share custody of my son and that makes it even harder. I just take it day by day. I don't cry nearly as much anymore. It is hard to accept at first, even now, but I feel myself slowly getting better.
